Stay at home mothering

[ailbhe]

Division of labour: Rob: Earn money in 9-5:30 job plus 9 hours commuting a week, bath Linnea, take her to park 1 hour a day, cook dinner sometimes 3 nights a week, wash dirty pots, launder nappies every 2nd day or so, make three packed lunches every evening, feed cats twice daily, clean toilet daily, mix porridge ready for the morning every evening.

Ailbhe: Manage all finances in and out, care for Linnea 22 hours a day (of which she spends on average 11 asleep, though not continuously), cook dinner 4-5 nights a week, make all childcare-related decisions, all household laundry for three people (at least one load daily), grocery shopping, meal planning + budgeting, hoovering, dishes-washing (except pots), making beds, mopping up spillages, washing floors, dusting (I have a dust allergy), arrange for Linnea to see paternal relations, arrange for Linnea to see maternal relations, arrange for Rob to be respectable enough not to invite ire from paternal relations, arrange for Rob to contact his friends (I have given up on this, so if Rob hasn't contacted you, it's my fault), arrange for me to contact my friends (I do this but less than I'd like), arrange any family holidays (usually to see relations) including packing for three, booking transport for three, and either arranging or reminding Rob to arrange accommodation for three (depending on whose relations) AND do anything Rob has forgotten or neglected or been too tired to do.

And today, when I asked why he'd stayed home to help and done almost nothing, he said "But I've been working really hard!"

Can anyone give me three reasons not to kill him at this point?

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Re: Stay at home mothering

[ailbhe]

We have found something that works - putting limits on the time he *can* spend doing stuff. He gets much more done with a deadline. So now, instead of a list of things to do, he has a 15-minute slot for kitchen-tasks generic, and then he stops.

When he lived "on his own" with a flatmate, he blamed the flatmate (first a male acquaintance, then me) for the squalid state of the flat, and the fact that bills were always lost until several "last chance to pay" reminders came through. So I learned how to be reasonably tidy so's to stop messing his life up.

And guess what we discovered... *wry* But he has apologised and admits now that I'm tidier than he is and no longer assumes that the dirty mug is mine etc.

He seems to be starting to care about Linnea again. Her being sick seems to have woken him up a bit. He played with her properly this evening - engaged and interacted.