On Vaginal Exams During Labour

[ailbhe]

I have to examine you
But I will let you have
A sheet to drape over your knees,
A gooey latex glove

I have to examine you
There's no room for your mate
This stranger is a chaperone
Your husband can just wait

I have to examine you
It's not causing you pain
I think you're just too uptight
I'll start over again

I have to examine you
Come on, take off your pants
Get down there on the table
This student wants a chance

I have to examine you
You shouldn't want a choice
It's all for your own good, you know
It's good you've lost your voice

Comments

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

This makes me want to kneecap even well-meaning gynecologists.

Particularly yours.

[ailbhe]

It was mostly midwives. I had 37 vaginal exams during my labour, and almost all of them were performed by midwives or student midwives.

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

IRTA “stunt midwives.”

[(Anonymous)]

That's pretty negativistic. I have to say, having been cared for by an obstetrician at one of the most well-known hospitals in Philadelphia, completely mainstream, I have never experienced even one iota of anything remotely resembling the feeling/imagery that poem conjures up. If I had I would certainly have fired my OB! In the past five years since the birth of my oldest child, I've talked to a lot of pregnant women. I always ask them if they feel oppressed, devoid of choices, etc. The answer is nearly universally "nope," except for my one friend J. J had an emergency section with her first, and couldn't get a VBAC with her second. That said, she has other medical issues which may have contributed, it was a tough call. Anyway she was pissed at the medical establishment. But everyone else -- no, no problem. Pretty much every pregnant woman I know has had no problems telling her OB she didn't want an exam, or she wanted this or that support person with her, or whatever. I keep reading stories on the web and usenet about how horrible OBs are to pregnant women and all I can think of is where are all these SHEEPWOMEN coming from, and why don't any of them live near me?

Anyway regarding the poem - I totally can't relate.

Anonymous troll

[ailbhe]

Kindly don't shit on my journal, and if you do, own up to it, fucking coward.

Re: Anonymous troll

[sunruner.livejournal.com]

Very much agreed. Ever hear of the "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? But if you are going to be rude and call someone names and belittle their feelings, at least own up to it and don't hide by an "anonymous".

Ailbhe: I've been through two childbirths. I haven't felt what you did, but I do understand the sentiment. Thanks for sharing.

amen!

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

Anonymous Coward, if you're still reading this, I must say that that was a pretty disgusting specimen of trollery. If you *must* drop by random journals to kick people when they're down, at least have the courage to own your words.

And Ailbhe, for the record I think you're doing a wonderful job of living with a very hard situation, and neither burying your head in the sand nor wallowing in misery.

Re: Anonymous troll

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

Nice that someone who apparently is an "authority" on childbirth and delivery can't be bothered to sign their post.

Stupid cow.

I've never gone through childbirth, but I would never, ever compare your situation with anyone else's. They're all different.

Re: Anonymous troll

[pauamma]

I have a lawyer for the League of Fucking Cowards on the phone asking for you, said something about defamation of character and a libel suit.

(Oh, and http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=66&view=full is probably relevant. As is http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=23&view=full.)

[rmc28]

Well, aren't you the lucky one never to have had a problem with examinations. So nice of you to insult Ailbhe anonymously. Do you have any idea of what she's been through? Or did you just think it was fun to come slag off a stranger without bothering with context?

I had no problem with exams either before this summer; now I can barely hold back tears while thinking of them, I can't go into a room with an exam table without having to suppress hyperventilation and I almost always need to take my husband with me. Why? Because one medical professional after another had to examine me while I was in immense pain. Sometimes I even agreed with them that they needed to. I argued with at least two of them, but to no avail: they would not do anything about my pain without examining me to prove that my pain was where I said it was. And it's amazing how much being in pain saps your ability to communicate or even form coherent thoughts.

Ask anyone who knows me or Ailbhe: "pushover" or "sheeplike" will not be in the description.

Go back under whatever rock you oozed from, or learn to think before you spout nonsense to make yourself feel superior.

[ailbhe]

On reflection, I don't think it's important what I've gone through. Vaginal exams are almost never enjoyable, exciting experiences, and the phrasing "I have to examine you" ought to be eradicated from the medical vocabulary.

I was very sheeplike, though, after a month of labour. Labour is tiring and painful.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

Dear Anonymous Troll:

Not being completely in control of a situation in the middle of labor when there are extenuating circumstances and serious pain is "negativistic?"

How ignorant. How rude. How unfoundedly judgemental.

It's very nice that you and your little friends were all empowered during your birth experiences. That's nice for you. And you would fire your OB in the middle of the birth experience? I imagine the baby's head sticking out would have made it difficult to get wheeled out of the hospital, but I suppose you know best.

I know that having had pitocin during my labor, I had very little control during my labor and delivery. Most importantly, the kid was born healthy, but I don't remember much, and it took me over three months before I could think about that time and not cry. I suppose I'm still repressing something, but hey, I better not try to figure it out because it would just make me negativistic too.

Your condescending comments? Rude tone? Self-satisfied sample of similar situations? I totally can't relate.

[ailbhe]

The word negativistic is irritationalisifying, too.

It's nice that her birth wasn't awful.
It's lovely her friends are just fine.
Her experience must count for something,
But there's no need to go discounting mine.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Wow, lucky you! It's amazing never to have had a negative gynecology experience. I haven't really had any, myself. However, that doesn't mean that no one has, and that someone who's had a lot of them should have to write everything to match your experience, instead of your own. Not everyone lives where you live, and has the choices you have.

and about the poem

[rmc28]

Thank you ... it's an amazing poem.

Sorry if I got a bit carried away with kicking anonymous-bitch-cow above.

[barakta]

I haven't experienced what this poem represents, but I have experienced very minor (extremely minor in comparison) invasions of my person by medical personnel and they made me angry enough.

Even if the examinations are necessary (and I suspect not all are) I feel that medical personnel could learn a great deal about kind and respectful ways of making examination requests. I would love for this poem to be seen by medical people to make them think about what an examination means to the person they would make that request to.

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Well said.

I had enough damn problems with the pap smears (and the resultant colposcopies). My last pap smear came up with a small abnormality, which meant I had to get a colposcopy.

What's a colposcopy, I hear the anonymous troll in the corner ask? (She looks like a "Peridot" to me...) A colposcopy is a procedure where they take a little slice of tissue from your cervix... after dousing the silly thing in vinegar so they can see it clearly. Stings like bejazus. Oh, and you have the standard freezing cold duck lips up your jacksie, you're stuck on a chair sort of thingie, your legs are out at a weird angle, and you aren't allowed to kick the twit who's just put you in pain.

Following the first one, I damn near fainted (which I am *NOT* prone to). I was damn reluctant to go in for the second. Turned out there was nothing wrong with me.

But now I'm just about due another pap test, and I damn well don't want to take the silly thing.

Ailbhe, even though I haven't been in anything *near* your situation, I find your poem sums up a *LOT* of the gynae stuff I've experienced. I've been prodded, poked, examined by students, and effectively treated like a living, breathing practice dummy. Informed consent my arse - the one thing they don't inform you of is that you have the option of saying "no". Maybe it's because they don't intend to take it seriously.

[firecat]

While I haven't experienced this particular discomfort, I definitely have experienced the general "treating you like an inconveniently sentient object" attitude of some people in the medical profession.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

Then 'they' say that you can always refuse to be prodded, poked and generally messed about with by students, or you can have the chaperone of your choice, if you ask for them and insist. Yes, true, you can, but by the time you're in the bloody exam room, all nice and vulnerable the last thing you want to do is start 'making a fuss' as by then you just want it all over with as quickly as possible.

It would be lovely if we all felt empowered and able to insist on what we want all the time but the medical process seems particularly designed to take that away from patients.

I am speaking here as someone who has spent far more time on the delivering end of medical stuff than the recieving end. I *hope* I always did my best for the people I was looking after, but I fear that I let more than one of them down.

And this bit:

"This stranger is a chaperone
Your husband can just wait"

Is just unforgivable.

[ailbhe]

It was by implication - there wasn't *space* for him because there were two midwives and furniture taking up all the space.

[squishsplash.livejournal.com]

Thankyou.
That poem is great.

My birth backup person has already said that she has a tendency to attract student doctors any time she's in hospital, so I've put her in charge of keeping students away from my birth - which she completely respects.

I know that students have to learn, but they can learn on someone else >:\
There is really no reason to put students on first time mums!