Mental ill health

[ailbhe]

Oh, so that's what a mental health crisis is like when one seeks help for it!

Unlike when I had postnatal PTSD six years ago, or depression four years ago, I've asked for help.

The major differences are...

More crying. Much more crying. More feeling like an undeserving fraud. Fewer, less detailed suicidal thoughts. No suicidal planning. No infanticidal thoughts at all, which is fabulous. Some irrational, paranoid thoughts, but awareness that they are irrational and not shameful. More crying. More visible external symptoms of anxiety, which may well be directly connected to the less suicidal thoughts thing.

It is hard not to say "Oh I'm fine, I'm fine," but it's so worth the effort. There are awesome resources available I wasn't even aware of before, when I felt that I shouldn't bother Rob with my problems, and we're going to use them.

Comments

[ailbhe]

I'm confusde by this.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

My father refused to seek psych treatment when I was a teen, and committed suicide when I was 16. I wish with a great intensity that he'd managed to overcome depression, guilt, and cultural inhibition.

[ailbhe]

I'm sorry. I think lots of cultures are getting better at this stuff now.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It was decades ago, and it's no longer a sharp, daily sting. I don't know how much my father's ancestral culture has changed, but I'm glad I grew up in one of the most psych-accepting cultures in the world.