Mental ill health

[ailbhe]

Oh, so that's what a mental health crisis is like when one seeks help for it!

Unlike when I had postnatal PTSD six years ago, or depression four years ago, I've asked for help.

The major differences are...

More crying. Much more crying. More feeling like an undeserving fraud. Fewer, less detailed suicidal thoughts. No suicidal planning. No infanticidal thoughts at all, which is fabulous. Some irrational, paranoid thoughts, but awareness that they are irrational and not shameful. More crying. More visible external symptoms of anxiety, which may well be directly connected to the less suicidal thoughts thing.

It is hard not to say "Oh I'm fine, I'm fine," but it's so worth the effort. There are awesome resources available I wasn't even aware of before, when I felt that I shouldn't bother Rob with my problems, and we're going to use them.

Comments

[serene]

This makes me so happy! I agree that your rational mind rocks, but your heart, too, I love your heart.

[serene]

(My own irrational thought process, after I hit "post comment": "She'll know I didn't mean that her struggling with mental health makes me happy, right?" ;-)

Love!

[ailbhe]

I knew that :) but am not sure what my heart has to do with it.

[serene]

When you're being rational, you're also thinking with your heart: you're not denying emotions, or failing to take others' feelings into account. Many people rely too heavily, in my view, on rationality when emotions get hard, and fail to account for how important emotional realities are. You don't do that. One of the top things I admire you for.

[ailbhe]

Oh, I see! I see that attitude as part of my feminism.

[rmc28]

I'm glad to read this. I'm so glad you're going to get help (though not glad you need it, iyswim).

[kalmn]

good good good. i am glad that you are asking for help. i am extra glad that you are getting it.

[ailbhe]

I had no idea. The NHS. I mean to say. It's like it's healthcare. That people can just have. If they need it. Like wow. My life would have been so different if we'd had this in Ireland.

[serene]

This right here. May I quote you, either straight or with the serial numbers filed off? Something like:

"The [National Health Service]. I mean to say. It's like it's healthcare. That people can just have. If they need it. Like wow. My life would have been so different if we'd had this in [place I came from]."

[ailbhe]

Of course you may!

[supermouse]

*hug* you so much.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

Offer still stands to come over some time tomorrow if I can and it would be helpful. And you're still awesome and incredible for asking for help, and getting it, and using it!

[ailbhe]

Thank you.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

You are so amazingly awesome for seeking help. Go you.

And hang in there. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.

[ailbhe]

Thank you.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I need to find out what's available, my brother's death has hit me hard.

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

There'll be a similar team in your local area. Ask your GP. They're in my mobile at this time of year, just so I know I can ring them. Don't forget that Cruise and The Samaritans are always about too. As your friends, we might not understand, but we do love you very much.

[ailbhe]

I was put in touch with the right people by calling NHS Direct, but I was a little bit suicidal at the time, which definitely expedited matters. Google "Community Mental Health Crisis Team" and your town name, or similar, perhaps?

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

Astrid is very happy you are seeking help. So is Emer and Linnea. And Rob.

And us. Each and every one. :-)

See how happy you are making so many people!

[rosefox]

+1!

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

this!!

[gmh.livejournal.com]

Colour me very relieved to read this; I've been ill, braindead and working weird hours this week, which has contributed to my not speaking up earlier.

(Which is a crappy reason, and I can only apologise in a slightly useless fashion.)

If there is help, then take it.

Using available help isn't weakness in any way, (especially given the load of responsibilities you already carry!) - and trying to tough it out isn't necessarily a sign of strength.

If you'd like to talk or vent, I will be there; I can't promise to be particularly sparkling conversation, but I can listen and make suggestions, even at stupid o'clock.

[ailbhe]

Thank you. It might be nice if someone could check Rob is ok but I have no idea how anyone could go about it; he's not the most forthcoming...

[batswing.livejournal.com]

Yay you!
Your daughters have such a great role model. On behalf of daughter everywhere thank you for speaking out, reaching for help and showing them they're worth being taken care of, and of other people's time and consideration. :) I wish my mum had!

[ailbhe]

ME TOO. Though to be fair she hadn't the money to. But yes, one reason I started getting help 6 years ago was because of wanting to model that for my then infant Linnea.

[gloriap.livejournal.com]

Obviously your friends are concerned about your mental health and I know we are all happy that you are seeking help and being honest with yourself. Depression and anxiety are like a whirlpool that sucks you down further and further if you don't have help to fight to the surface. It is no more a weakness than having the flu or measles. You will be surprised how much better you feel and how quickly. Hugs.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Yes, you are. *cheers you on loudly enough for you to hear across the ocean*

[ailbhe]

Rob told the brain doctor that I try to be superwoman and sometimes actually am. Hee.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

There are awesome resources available I wasn't even aware of before, when I felt that I shouldn't bother Rob with my problems, and we're going to use them.

Very, very pleased to hear this! Good luck.

[widgetfox.livejournal.com]

Asking for help is an action of very great strength. As I think you make very clear here, it is the hard option and not the easy one.

I'm very sorry this is so horrid. I hope it can be made manageable as quickly as possible.

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

This.

[juliet]

Asking for help is an awesome and brave thing to do. I hope the resources are helpful for you.

[pauamma]

What she said.

[etoile-violet.livejournal.com]

Asking for help is an awesome and brave thing to do.

Very much this. Very much.

[kiya]

I am so glad that you're finding help to get you through this.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

On behalf of angry, devastated 16-year-old me that was, thank you so much for reaching out for help.

[ailbhe]

I'm confusde by this.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

My father refused to seek psych treatment when I was a teen, and committed suicide when I was 16. I wish with a great intensity that he'd managed to overcome depression, guilt, and cultural inhibition.

[ailbhe]

I'm sorry. I think lots of cultures are getting better at this stuff now.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It was decades ago, and it's no longer a sharp, daily sting. I don't know how much my father's ancestral culture has changed, but I'm glad I grew up in one of the most psych-accepting cultures in the world.

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

There is nothing quite like the anxiety symptoms to make you feel terrible, physically and mentally. If and when you feel able to, mindfulness about your breathing and remembering to eat enough make a huge difference.

I hope it eases soon.

[trizia.livejournal.com]

You sre awesome.

[k425.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you were able to stop saying "I'm fine". I'm glad you've found resources to help you.

[megamole.livejournal.com]

Yup.

[leedy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm so, so glad you're getting help.

[dmwcarol.livejournal.com]

Good for you. Getting help can be so hard to do.

[ailbhe]

Now I'm SINGING it!

[taimatsu]

Now I'm singing it to the Christmas tree reindeer snowball tune, oh dear oh dear. I thought you were my FRIEND and yet you gave me this EARWORM. Argh! :)