It finally happened

[ailbhe]

I hit Linnea.

She's fine, I'm in shock. Alarmingly, I entertained the idea of asking her not to tell anyone for several seconds. There is no justification for it - it wasn't necessary, it wasn't helpful, it wasn't rational - I just lost my temper and didn't stop myself.

I think she forgave me quite quickly. Part of me is relieved; I'm getting this blasted, blasted implant out in a week anyway, and I've been dreading the possibility of losing my temper for months, and now I have, and she's ok with it. She was shocked and angry, which is good - she wasn't afraid or guilty-feeling.

Apart from being briefly shocking, it didn't much affect her behaviour for good or ill for the rest of the time before nursery.

I want to go to bed and cry.

Comments

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

It sucks, yes. I actually DO remember the one time in my entire life my mother hit me.

It didn't damage me, physically, or emotionally. And it didn't damage my relationship with my mother. I was upset by it, but I understood that so was my mother. I understood that my mother wasn't PERFECT, but she was still damn good.

That was good enough for me.

[tchemgrrl.livejournal.com]

I remember the one time I got hit too. It was scary at that moment, but wasn't scary the next day.

From an adult point of view, I feel really awful for my mom, actually. It was a rough time for her, in a completely different way than you describe, but rough.