On Marriage: I welcome discussion

[ailbhe]

I'm pulling this one out for further discussion. I'm particularly interested in the views of people who thought marriage was meaningless, or that it's just unfair because of hetersexual privilege, childrearing privs, etc. I mean, obviously it *is* unfair, but I'm interested in other people's views.

Are you happy that you married Rob?

Depends on what you mean by married. I'm happy we are committed life partners. I'm delighted we're co-parents. I'm thrilled we plan holidays and DIY and grocery shopping and menus together. I'm pleased some of our friends and family came to celebrate our relationship and offer support for our commitment. I'm ambivalent about the legal and social status the legal ceremony gave our relationship. It was originally because of child guardianship laws - only a man (not necessarily the father) married to a woman at the time of birth got automatic next of kin type rights. That law changed I think while I was pregnant, so I felt dreadful. Then civil partnerships showed up and I felt a bit better. It's complicated.

Comments

[rjw76]

I also think that however much one may wish to resist those roles, there's enough socialisation behind them that it can be difficult to do so.

I have not actually found this any worse since becoming "wife" rather than "female partner living with a man as if married". Society, or at least the bits of it I move in or have to interact with legally, doesn't really seem to distinguish between the two.

Not that this means that there *aren't* any social expectations, of course...

[ailbhe]

I've noticed some differences since becoming "wife", a word neither Rob nor I use very often. Some of these are useful, in regards to stuff like his work and bank things, and some are less so. Much less so.