Smoking

[ailbhe]

Since I quit smoking, almost exactly three years before Emer was born, as soon as I thought I might be pregnant with Linnea, I have never once regretted my decision. I had, after all, been trying to quit for most of the time I'd been a smoker.

But sometimes I really, really miss them. I watched a woman in the cafe rolling a cigarette from a brand of tobacco I never even liked and I wanted it. The smell of ready-rolled does mostly make me slightly queasy, but even now, after two pregnancies, I sometimes enjoy the smell of real tobacco.

This is presumably the nature of things - when one gives up an enjoyable habit, however sensibly, one wistfully wishes to indulge in it just once more.

But me and smoking are not like that. I can't have just one. If I have just one, I will have many, many more.

But I still want them, sometimes.

Comments

[surelars.livejournal.com]

Oh, sure. I know that feeling - the sudden craving. And I quit in '82.

Thing is - I like the taste of tobacco, quite a lot. Interestingly, as I have in recent years come to work in places and move in places with no smokers, I these day really dislike the smell. If I get to stand next to a smoker on the platform waiting for the train, I move away.

But I'm lucky, I guess. I can give in, nick a smoke off a friend, smoke it, and not touch a cig for the next year. One does not lead to many for me. 5 years ago or so I would sometimes buy a pack when going to a party were I knew there would be smokers, and smoke all of them in one night - and then not smoke for 6 months. I've stopped doing that, though - it stopped being fun.

The craving is getting less and less in recent years, but I think that has a lot to do with being less exposed to smoking now.