On communication

[ailbhe]

I have often been bitten by this one, and it's just happened again.

When I feel strongly about something, I say so, calmly. This leads 50% of people to totally ignore what I've said, and a further 25% of people to assume that I must not feel strongly about it. (Numbers pulled out of the sky, but it feels like practically everyone, at least right now).

In the past, I have gotten around this by determining which actions will communicate Emotion X to my interlocutor, and emoted it until the message got across. This often left me tired, angry, and covered in tearstains - or with a raging headache, if what was needed was to work myself up into a rage.

I am not naturally a screamer at people. I don't burst into tears when someone has upset me. I don't even go away and cry privately. It's not how I do it. But many, many people assume that unless a woman "looks upset" she's not really upset. It got me into a lot of trouble with doctors about two years and a quarter ago.

Is the answer to go back to putting on an act when I'm talking to people? I hated that; it feels like lying.

Comments

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I have this problem too, and because using body language to convey emotion doesn't come that naturally to me, my reaction tends to be to say more and more extreme things until I feel the other person is taking me seriously. Needless to say, this is not an ideal method of preventing conflict escalation... I think I may try some of the techniques in previous comments, so thank you for posting this.