On communication
Aug. 3rd, 2006 11:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ailbheI have often been bitten by this one, and it's just happened again.
When I feel strongly about something, I say so, calmly. This leads 50% of people to totally ignore what I've said, and a further 25% of people to assume that I must not feel strongly about it. (Numbers pulled out of the sky, but it feels like practically everyone, at least right now).
In the past, I have gotten around this by determining which actions will communicate Emotion X to my interlocutor, and emoted it until the message got across. This often left me tired, angry, and covered in tearstains - or with a raging headache, if what was needed was to work myself up into a rage.
I am not naturally a screamer at people. I don't burst into tears when someone has upset me. I don't even go away and cry privately. It's not how I do it. But many, many people assume that unless a woman "looks upset" she's not really upset. It got me into a lot of trouble with doctors about two years and a quarter ago.
Is the answer to go back to putting on an act when I'm talking to people? I hated that; it feels like lying.
When I feel strongly about something, I say so, calmly. This leads 50% of people to totally ignore what I've said, and a further 25% of people to assume that I must not feel strongly about it. (Numbers pulled out of the sky, but it feels like practically everyone, at least right now).
In the past, I have gotten around this by determining which actions will communicate Emotion X to my interlocutor, and emoted it until the message got across. This often left me tired, angry, and covered in tearstains - or with a raging headache, if what was needed was to work myself up into a rage.
I am not naturally a screamer at people. I don't burst into tears when someone has upset me. I don't even go away and cry privately. It's not how I do it. But many, many people assume that unless a woman "looks upset" she's not really upset. It got me into a lot of trouble with doctors about two years and a quarter ago.
Is the answer to go back to putting on an act when I'm talking to people? I hated that; it feels like lying.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-04 12:38 am (UTC)I don't like having to act 'traditionally' or 'stereotypically' to make people take my feelings seriously. I agree with you that it feels wrong. With people I choose to be around, my friends and some family, I expect them to listen to me and respect me. Those who don't respect me I avoid, or tolerate because I have to (siblings).
I'm fortunate my medical people don't seem to expect me to 'be' or 'act' in any specific way, they usually take my words as what I mean. They know I've been doing the medical thing all my life and have a reasonable tolerance for pain/discomfort AS LONG AS I AM FOREWARNED.... Then again I don't go back to doctors/medics who dismiss my emotions, or misinterpret what I say if I can help it. In fact I complained verbally to my consultant, after one of his registrars got antagonistic and aggressive with me at a consultation - one which I aborted as soon as I realised the registrar didn't want to listen to what I had to say.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-04 01:20 pm (UTC)