What to do?!

[ailbhe]

Linnea and Is hold hands. Sometimes Linnea takes Is's hand, sometimes Is takes Linnea's. And then they run, grinning and giggling. And Linnea runs about twice as fast as Is so Is falls down and hits her head. And Is doesn't deal with that the way Linnea does; Is immediately yells and screams and is devestated, which is fair enough - I'd be devestated too.

What do I do? Is is the one who gets hurt, so her mother blames Linnea, pretty much. It's happened twice already this morning. I don't think it's Linnea misbehaving - Is reaches for her hand as much as Linnea reaches for Is, so that part of it is consensual. They both grin and giggle as they start to run. It's not for 6-10 feet that the speed difference becomes apparent and Is ends up dragged and falling over.

Is's mother has a babe in arms and I have a babe in bump, so we're not always fast enough to defuse the situation after Linnea gets ahead of Is and before Is falls over. Is gives no early warning of discomfort - never says No, or yells when she's being dragged, she doesn't fuss at all until she's actually hurt.

They're about the same age, but Linnea is bigger and faster and stronger. They adore each other.

Now what?

Edit: New Rule: No running holding hands. Means Linnea can't play it with anyone at the group, which is a shame, but will also mean she doesn't play it with Is any more in a way which doesn't single Is out. So there we go.

Edit: Is's mum called to discuss it rationally. We're going with the blanket rule for about two weeks, and will then see if Is is steadier on her feet or if we need to let Linnea branch out and play it with people who are not Is. I feel a thousand times better. Is's mum may or may not.

Comments

[webhill.livejournal.com]

I'd tell Linnea it's not ok to run faster than Is when they are holding hands, because Is can't keep up! Same thing I have to tell Jacob when he tries to drag his sister...

[ailbhe]

Is there a way to make a two year old understand this, though? Because, well, it hasn't worked so far.

[webhill.livejournal.com]

Repetition. I remember telling Jacob over and over again that he, age 2, could not push the stroller with his baby sister in it (he used to almost knock it over). If he did try to push it, he would be not allowed near the stroller again for x amount of time. I think in your shoes I would say that if the behavior persisted, she would not be allowed to hold hands with her friend, and if I could not stop that from happening we'd have to leave. That's if it was very important to me that it stop, of course. I could make a judgement call and say "oh well, whatever;" I'm not there so I don't know how big an issue it really is...

[ailbhe]

It wasn't a problem before today - Is didn't try to run along, so Linnea didn't drag her (Linnea is fine with the difference between walking and running, that's easy and she doesn't need to be told about it). But today Is was trying to run, fell over twice, and her mother is Not Happy.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Asking the obvious, what happens when you explain to Linnea that she has to go slowly so Is can keep up? I agree that it's not misbehaviour, but it's maladaptive behaviour and I'd be surprised if she couldn't understand that.

[ailbhe]

Implying, let alone stating, that Is can't run as fast as Linnea is impolitic. Is is 6 weeks older and much smaller, slower, less able to talk etc. I could try to do it in secret where Is's mother couldn't hear me but really I need a rule I can apply verbally whenever it happens - elsewhere, someone suggested "No running holding hands, ever," which I think will work. It's sad that it means Linnea will have to stop playing the game with other kids who can play it perfectly well, but there's not a lot we can do about that.

[songster.livejournal.com]

Implying, let alone stating, that Is can't run as fast as Linnea is impolitic.
Why on Earth? People are different sizes. Surely Is's mother knows this by now? Or are children only expected to play with others of exactly the same shape and size these days?

"Don't run so fast when you're holding hands with Is, her legs are shorter and she can't keep up"

Or even just "'Nea, slow down!" when she starts to pull ahead...

[merryhouse.livejournal.com]

Why on Earth? People are different sizes. Surely Is's mother knows this by now?

Possibly.... but bear in mind that although she presumably has seen exactly what Ailbhe saw, she still *blames* Linnea... [and yes, I've shown that I am quite capable of not blaming the other child involved when Oliver - or more rarely Christopher - is hurt; so while I understand the temptation, it's not inevitable]

I agree that pointing out the relative length of legs should probably be ok. I would be inclined to say "don't forget your legs are longer" rather than the other way round.

[ailbhe]

Well, really, Is's legs are longer (Linnea has proportionately stumpy legs, like me)... but almost muscle-less. I don't think "Your legs are stronger!" would be good either.

Is was premature, so although their due dates were such that Linnea "should" be only one week younger, she's actually six. Her physical development is a sensitive subject, particularly around Little Miss Accelerated Growth.

[ailbhe]

It's getting more of an issue as they get older, actually. And yes - Is's mother claims not to mind and to be perfectly rational about it, but actually winces horribly and stops talking to me for several minutes if I accidentally say "No, Linnea, Is can't jump that high" or whatever.

[ailbhe]

Hm. Perhaps I need to grow a thicker skin about knowingly causing her pain, you mean? Perhaps I do...

[ailbhe]

Is isn't a rough and tumble girl, really. Linnea is. Mind you, Linnea is the most bump-absorbing child I know; none of her close friends will just get back up again the way she does. I wonder sometimes how much of that is innate and how much is because their parents always leap to the rescue.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Phew. I'm glad Is's mom called to talk rationally. And not More-of-the-same. 'Cause, sheesh!