C-sections, therapy, and feelings of impending doom

[ailbhe]

I'm sitting here at home, toddler asleep, lunch (tuna and sweetcorn on Ryvita, bad pregnant person, haven't you heard about the mercury thing?) eaten, Georgette Heyer romance by my side, Radio 4 blithering on in the background, waiting for the midwife.

I am slightly worried, in the way I have been for a fortnight or so, that she won't be able to find a heartbeat. I was worried enough that Rob and I bought a baby monitor in Mothercare; we heard the placenta, and some movements, we think, but obviously no heartbeat; it's far too early for that. I felt a bit better for two days, but haven't dared listen since then.

So first I'll ask her to do the listening thing, and then I'll ask her about flying again, and then I'll ask if she wants a carseat (brand new and unused, with manual), and then I'll ask about tomorrow's obstetrician appointment. I have a draft of a birth plan but no more. We do have someone to watch Linnea while we are at the hospital.

I've had a therapy session with the same therapist who told me to write about the positive things, resulting in my book being published. (I still have some copies if anyone is interested). This time, the therapist has given me some tips on how to deal with the panic attacks I get in the hospital, hopefully giving me more of a chance of not running away when I see That Man and being able to cope better with the fact that I have to wait in the ob/gyn department because the main reasons I go to hospital are ob/gyn stuff and I just have to learn to live with it.

I'm afraid of the hospital but I'll figure something out. Being a control freak might help. At least I know Rob looks lovely in scrubs. I hope there's someone there to take photos while I'm having the placenta removed this time. I find that hilarious.

Comments

[clare-s.livejournal.com]

Yummy tuna - if you minded ALL the advice you would not be eating or drinking anything at all !

Good luck with the mw and try not to worry about the lack of finding a heartbeat. I have been very tempted by the monitors but have resisted on the basis I am not skilled enough to find it.