"But imagine what she'll be like in a few years' time!"

[ailbhe]

Today, someone told me I should smack Linnea.

Context: She had just endured a shoe-fitting, including the purchase of a pair of shoes, and wanted to leave the shoe department in the opposite direction to the one I wanted to take. I hel her arm and pulled; she sat down. I picked her up and planted her facing my direction; she turned around and crawled away. I turned her to my direction and pulled her along the floor using her toddler reins, saying "This isn't funny any more," because I had to pretend I wasn't laughing somehow.

An elderly woman said "When my son did that I used to smack him, but you're not allowed to do that any more." I said "Well, I'm hoping to avoid smacking," and assumed that was the end of it. Oh no. She said "But imagine what she'll be like in a few years' time!"

I had no response. I mean, I had a few afterwards - "Yes, she could be the kind of person who tells random strangers to hit people!" and so on - but at the time, I just sort of stood there in shock, then continued dragging Linnea another couple of paces. In total, it took less than ten steps before she got tired of being dragged (initially she thought it was funny), and another two before she decided to stand up and walk where I wanted her to.

Her jacket and padded dungarees were a bit grotty afterwards. Ho hum. Such is toddlerhood.

The shoes, by the way, will have to be returned. A few hours' wear shows that a fitting on the buckle leaves red marks on her ankles. I can't handle this show thing any more. Can't I just cut off her little toe so she fits in normal shoes?

Comments

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

I have a great deal of sympathy for you. When Adam was a toddler I *did* smack him, mainly through frustration on my part, at not knowing how to manage a small person *without* smacking. My parents and all my family had always smacked us, and my parents did especially with me, because of my having undiagnosed behavioural problems. It's very easy to fall back on the things you recall your own parents doing to you..

Being a disabled single mum, dealing with a child who had learnt to climb bookcases and on to kitchen units at age 2 to get house keys, so he can unlock the door and scarper while I was asleep, thus requiring the local police forces attention to retrive him.. it was a tad hard to deal with. However fitting a security lock to the stairs door, locking us in at night and sleeping on the keys soon stopped that.

Now I'm a little older, Adam is too and I'm no longer a single mum, we as a family don't do smacking. Period. Not for the past 2 years in fact. I took some parenting classes, got a new perspective on his behavior and my reactions to it, and learnt a whole load of new techniques to deal with him. I still feel guilty about the fact I ever did hit him, but now we don't and won't with any other child we have.

Linnea is lucky to have a understanding mum like yourself. I never envied my friends who were pregnant and had a toddler.. it seemed like a lot of added stress, at a time when being the main carer of a toddler is stressful enough. I wish you the serenity of mind to deal with all things and a quick end to any nausea :)

Thinking of you all
Liz

[ailbhe]

It is hard when the only tool in the toolkit is smacking. I was lucky that my instinctive toolkit was well-stocked with other things because my mother is, as has been mentioned before in my journal, the most fabulous mother that ever walked the face of the planet and also brilliant as well. Also, my daughter's personality is incredibly like mine, as mine was like my mother's, so I can usually follow her trains of thought.

And I'm not a single mother, and because I was still largely immobile by the time she learned to crawl, I got safety gates *everywhere* - I knew she was going ot be an explorer like her maternal ancestors. The gate in front of the front door is *very* difficult to open, even for grownups. In a fire I'd have to climb over it to get out.

And the nausea has mostly passed, touch wood, and things are getting easier. :)

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

You & Adam looked happy & relaxed together at CCDE, which I think is a lovely thing to watch :) I glowed with pleasure after a neigbour told me that she liked watching me going past their house with the buggy & my children as we're always laughing & having fun. Apart from PMT days, but we won't go into that! :/

Being pregnant with a toddler is very hard work, though Kate was older than Linnea as she was 2 & 2 weeks when Holly was conceived. It's also wonderful to talk about the baby growing inside you & have big cuddles. Kate called Holly, Tiny Baby, when she was a bump & she still calls her that when she's being affectionate :)