The things I do

[ailbhe]

I walk around Mothercare, looking at double buggies and deciding which one would be best for my height and Rob's height and the width of our doors.

I read books about pregnancy and birth. I read about fertility and artificially assisted conception.

I think of names for the new baby.

I think of strategies to help Linnea accept the new baby.

I feel guilty for displacing Linnea.

I look at maternity clothes and hold them up against myself to see how they fit.

I imagine feeding a new baby, dressing a new baby, introducing Linnea to a new baby.

I plan the birth - I've decided that Linnea can come to the hospital with me, and see me as soon as I'm out on the postnatal ward. I want a private room with a sign on it saying "Knock." I want every single person I meet to introduce themselves to me - "Hi, I'm Bob, and I'll be your anaesthetist for the day."

I do not open the parcel with the vaginal dilators. I do not call doctors. I do not make any actual progress towards getting pregnant again.

But I cry...

Comments

[k425.livejournal.com]

What she said. It's all preparation for your mind.