Fame and fortune

[ailbhe]

I was asked to do an interview about traumatic birth for a freelance magazine-not-newspaper journalist, and I agreed on condition she questioned me in email not over the phone, and she did, and that's fine. Now I've been asked to do an interview for a company that are making a documentary for Channel 4.

I can't do it. I hate phonecalls. I have no desire to be on television. I don't want my name on television. I want to be my own editor, dammit, and I don't want to do it in an oral / aural medium. I can't put myself across like that - it doesn't work.

But undoubtedly my birth would have been easier to live with had I know that traumatic birth leading to PTSD was one of the possibilities. So if I did the interview, other people's lives might be easier.

But I have surgery on Tuesday. I haven't had a single appointment with a psychologist yet. I am squishing tears out of my eyes so that I can see to type this, because I feel so guilty about it - but it's much too early. I need to be a lot closer to well, physically and psychologically, before I can undertake anything as stressful as actual publicity.

And for this, I really do need to be my own editor.

Perhaps they could interview someone to speak on my behalf. Would that fill the same moral purpose?

I don't know. I've told them that I can't make any decisions until at least the week beginning 20 December. It's all too fragile now.

What should I do? (in the spirit of tossing a coin to see whether I'm disappointed when it lands).

Comments

Re: Fame and fortune

[elisem.livejournal.com]

i doubt that it would work to have somebody speak on your behalf, or read a letter; that's not a very television thing to do.

Actually, with the right producer/director, it could be brilliant. If I were doing it, I'd use it at the very end, after the main stories (using other people) had been done, and I'd have someone read the letter over a montage of relevant images. The viewers would have just seen how difficult it can be, and the letter explaining the conflicting desires, wanting to help but knowing that one's own well-being must be faithfully attended to, could be a terribly moving, and end things on that reflective note that well-done programs can have. I mean, it's all about unexpected difficulties and hard choices and struggling to get the space, the breath, and the time to heal. (Er, sorry. I'm not even committing minor print essayism any more, but it strikes me as an excellent example of the sort of dilemma such circumstances often feature. It's real, and it's not going to be what people expect, and having someone say, "I've got to concentrate on recovering, and it's too soon to talk about it," could make the point. If done well, anyhow. Er. I blather.)

And after thinking more about it, Ailbhe, I must say that I too come down on the "Don't do it" side, if you were permitting side-taking from us'ns. Because, well, getting that sort of edit power would be unlikely at best. Though your journalists may vary.

I think your instincts are right.