Fame and fortune

[ailbhe]

I was asked to do an interview about traumatic birth for a freelance magazine-not-newspaper journalist, and I agreed on condition she questioned me in email not over the phone, and she did, and that's fine. Now I've been asked to do an interview for a company that are making a documentary for Channel 4.

I can't do it. I hate phonecalls. I have no desire to be on television. I don't want my name on television. I want to be my own editor, dammit, and I don't want to do it in an oral / aural medium. I can't put myself across like that - it doesn't work.

But undoubtedly my birth would have been easier to live with had I know that traumatic birth leading to PTSD was one of the possibilities. So if I did the interview, other people's lives might be easier.

But I have surgery on Tuesday. I haven't had a single appointment with a psychologist yet. I am squishing tears out of my eyes so that I can see to type this, because I feel so guilty about it - but it's much too early. I need to be a lot closer to well, physically and psychologically, before I can undertake anything as stressful as actual publicity.

And for this, I really do need to be my own editor.

Perhaps they could interview someone to speak on my behalf. Would that fill the same moral purpose?

I don't know. I've told them that I can't make any decisions until at least the week beginning 20 December. It's all too fragile now.

What should I do? (in the spirit of tossing a coin to see whether I'm disappointed when it lands).

Comments

geek answer syndrome answers

[baratron.livejournal.com]

It occurs to me your problem is twofold:
1) you want to get across the message that giving birth can lead to serious injury and trauma
2) but you don't want to make yourself ill by having to go through unnecessary stress

Am I right?

I suspect you won't be happy with a solution that involves you refusing point blank to talk to the journalists, because you feel that you have a duty to other women to warn them of the possible consequences (especially of refusing a Caesarian in some circumstances). So you want to get your point across. But at the same time, putting yourself through stress could be positively dangerous for your health and prolong your recovery - which is the last thing you want. So what you're looking for is some way to tell your story without hurting yourself.

Here is my Geek Answer Syndrome answer: Write a piece about it (you could just edit together several journal entries - or get someone to edit it for you), and have it read out by either a professional actor, or a friend/sibling. Did you ever see Points of View on the BBC? (don't even know if it's still broadcast). They would take letters from viewers each week and show the letter on the screen while a voice actor read it out loud. This could be quite effective, as presumably the voice actors were people used to speaking on the radio or something. The Points of View team would even choose voice actors that were of a similar age, gender and similarly accented (quite how they knew what sort of accent the writer would have, I don't know. Maybe they just went by location).

They could cut excerpts from your letter/article with interviews with other women, who are a bit further down the line of recovering and are better able to talk about it. Or with an interview with Rob, or perhaps your mum, or someone else close to you (are they in contact with your Post-Natal PSTD counsellor? Could she talk about you, with your permission?). This way your story would be told, without you having to be the one doing the telling.

I hope this idea works for you :/

Re: geek answer syndrome answers

[ailbhe]

I like this idea. Mind you, I don't have a PTSD counsellor yet - I have a bridge-the-gap counsellor with no PTSD experience who is doing her best.

I might consider writing a piece. I'll see what happens after my surgery. Thanks.

Re: geek answer syndrome answers

[livi-short.livejournal.com]

It does seem like a really good solution IMO and you are very good at expressing yourself in writing.

It couldl be a point to discuss with them.

Re: geek answer syndrome answers

[elisem.livejournal.com]

Even writing a short note, saying what you told us here (that you really aren't up to doing it, but that you wish you could get information out there of the sort that it would have helped you to have), could be an option that would feel ... like you were doing what you could do, but not signing up for something that is wrong for you guys, all three of you.

Baratron speaks sooth.

Re: geek answer syndrome answers

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I like this idea.