Mens sane in corpore sanum, or something

[ailbhe]

I'm sure you can correct the Latin.

I've realised something over the past two days - I'm afraid that when my body has been fixed (28 days from now, apparently) I will have to be better in my mind as well - and I just won't be. A large part of the problem is imagining how much everyone hates me being such a moany whinger, which isn't helped when people tell me I am - the whole "It could be worse" scenario. At least now I have the excuse of being physically seriously unwell; when I've been surgically fixed, I have no tangible excuse not to frolic gaily through the budding spring, pausing to feed lambs, show Linnea nesting birdies, and bake my own bread, etc.

Well, except that it won't be spring, of course. Inset carol singers, roast chestnuts, and cutting down my own Christmas tree in the snow with a humourously red nose, then.

Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt RESENTMENT guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt DEFENSIVENESS guilt guilt guilt. I wonder how much of this has to do with growing up in holy catlick Ireland, even though my mother isn't very holy catlick at all?

Comments

[ailbhe]

I feel guilty for not being perfect in every way, mainly. And defensive about it because I know that's an irrational stance. But the defensiveness doesn't neutralise the guilt.

I think it's a lot to do with holey catlick Ireland, really.

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

holy catlick ireland can go f- - um, well, that's partly it, isn't it - it did, and it's made up of real people, most of whom aren't stage-oirish stereotypes - and one of them's you!
holiy catlick ireland's slowly improving, and will hopefully eventually recover, this generation or the next, maybe; but we'd all prefer it if you recover rather quicker than that!
but that's because we want you to not be hurting, not because we don't want you to tell us when you are, or show us that you are, and how, and how we might be able to help you - if we can.

yes, we wish you were all happy & bouncy & bright, but that's not wanting you to pretend you are when you're not, nor is it meant to be a burden upon you, a duty; it's how we want things to be for you again, and trust they can and will be.

wishing you were happier isn't to lay any obligation upon you, it's saying we hope the causes of your hurt and your sorrow become smaller, and fewer; and we'll try to do things to help this happen, if we're told what, when you think of them, when we feel we can.

and *huggg* again.