Mens sane in corpore sanum, or something

[ailbhe]

I'm sure you can correct the Latin.

I've realised something over the past two days - I'm afraid that when my body has been fixed (28 days from now, apparently) I will have to be better in my mind as well - and I just won't be. A large part of the problem is imagining how much everyone hates me being such a moany whinger, which isn't helped when people tell me I am - the whole "It could be worse" scenario. At least now I have the excuse of being physically seriously unwell; when I've been surgically fixed, I have no tangible excuse not to frolic gaily through the budding spring, pausing to feed lambs, show Linnea nesting birdies, and bake my own bread, etc.

Well, except that it won't be spring, of course. Inset carol singers, roast chestnuts, and cutting down my own Christmas tree in the snow with a humourously red nose, then.

Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt RESENTMENT guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt DEFENSIVENESS guilt guilt guilt. I wonder how much of this has to do with growing up in holy catlick Ireland, even though my mother isn't very holy catlick at all?

Comments

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Don't feel gulity, babes. I've wasted for too many hours being upset by people belittling my pregnancy symptons & my fear of labour as there are worse experiences out there than mine. My brain doesn't care about that. All it was concerned about was the first time I ever went into hospital didn't turn out as expected, so that makes it all a bit fearful.

Am secretly terrified of giving birth again & would have loved to have accepted the planned section that was offered me deep down.

The midwife who saw me yesterday said "good girl" when she read my notes about wanting a VBAC. Would she have aid "bad girl" if my notes had a planned section date in them?!