Insomniac pome

[ailbhe]

There is a hippie in my head
With wind-chimes in her hair
Who warns "A section means you're weak -
It shows you do not care."
She peers from out her beaded fringe
To mock my "green" credentials;
"It's not enough," she coldly says,
"To honestly like lentils.
You must suffer for your love,
To prove your worth as Mother.
The bath of child-bed blood's the way;
Earth-Mothers know no other."
And so I know I cannot be
The hippie girl who lived in me.

Comments

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Yeah, it's time to evict that girl.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

You hold the door open; this Real-Mother-who-had-a-C-section will bodily throw her out.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

What a load of rubbish! I had an emergency c-section & have a healthy child to show for it.

A small handful of people tried to make me feel guilty & none of them are my friends any longer.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Excuse me, what are you calling rubbish, please?

I was merely backing up Rivka's feeling that accusations of guilt are misplaced and harmful. (Apologies, Rivka, if I have misrepresented your position here.)

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I'm calling rubbish phrases like "having a section makes you weak" & doesn't make you a real mother.

Saving a baby's life by having an emergcy c-section or as planned section for medical reasons should never be critisised. I wanted to cry when I was told that I should have refused the c-section I was offered & insisted on carrying on labouring for a natural birth (this was said to me by another mother who had a v short labour herself & probably never reached the pain levels I was in)

It's a very touchy subject.

Ailbhe should not feel guilty at being told any futire babies will need to be born by planned section. I was offered one myself with the baby I'm carrying now that's due in 4 or 5 weeks time. I only said no as I've spent the past few months under the mistaken impression that I wasn't "allowed" to have one, so have geared myself up for a natural birth.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

I'm calling rubbish phrases like "having a section makes you weak" & doesn't make you a real mother.

Then it sounds like we are in violent agreement.

Saving a baby's life by having an emergcy c-section or as planned section for medical reasons should never be critisised. I wanted to cry when I was told that I should have refused the c-section I was offered & insisted on carrying on labouring for a natural birth (this was said to me by another mother who had a v short labour herself & probably never reached the pain levels I was in)

It's a very touchy subject.

Yes, it is. I remember telling someone I'd had a planned section and being told (quite snottily) "I didn't think you were allowed to DO that!", as if it were something I'd done on a whim.

Ailbhe should not feel guilty at being told any futire babies will need to be born by planned section. I was offered one myself with the baby I'm carrying now that's due in 4 or 5 weeks time. I only said no as I've spent the past few months under the mistaken impression that I wasn't "allowed" to have one, so have geared myself up for a natural birth.

I agree that Ailbhe should not feel guilty for having planned sections in the future -- I agree whole-heartedly.

And I hope things go well for you, no matter how your bundle of joy arrives in this world.

One thing I remember my midwife saying to me once the section had been booked, which has always stuck with me -- "Remember, you are still going to have a birth experience. You are still going to give birth." And yes, I did.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have a fab midwife.

My surgery mw was very snotty when I mentioned a planned section at the beginning of my pg & full of praise when I told her I'd changed my mind.

The first consultant I saw (female) at 16 weeks told me in no uncertain terms that a planned section wasn't an option & the consultant I saw last week at 34 weeks said it was totally up to me & I'll be having a planned section if the baby hasn't come naturally by 40 weeks. He didn't make me feel guilty at any stage & I came away feeling very positive about the whole thing.

It's a shame that the 3 people to make me feel bad were women & the 1 person to make me feel good was male.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

My midwife was marvellous and if I could export her to you I would.

Continued good wishes for the best possible outcome!

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

We'll all be fine :) I have every confidence in my consultant now :)

[firecat]

The whole natural perfection thing that women are expected to embody and symbolize is really onerous. And it's really sad when women inflict it on each other.

[jonnynexus.livejournal.com]

Just a two-penneth from someone who you don't know, but who reads your journal via a friend's friends page. Hope you don't mind me chiming in.

I remember a (male) comedian once making a very good point: people never talk about "natural" dentistry, do they?

My take on it is that if you are able to have a baby without medical intervention, then that's good, in the same way as it's good to live your life without getting ill. Given a free choice, we'd all like to need as little medical intervention as possible in our lives. In other words, I mean "good" in the sense purely of "nicest for the person concerned" without any "moral worth" attached to it in any way.

But anyone who says that you should feel bad about yourself because medical intervention was required is making about as much sense as (for example) someone who says that people who survived cancer through chemotherapy have somehow failed as human beings because they needed medical treatment to survive.

[jonnynexus.livejournal.com]

Sorry, that should have gone in as a general comment, not a reply. (Just wanted to avoid any confusion).

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Next time she pops her head up, you can tell that hippie girl that there's plenty of blood with a section, that suffering can be part of it (although it's certainly not compulsory!), and that choosing the life, health and well-being of your child and your self (a child wants a happy healthy mother, after all) is in no way 'weak'.

I'm so sorry you had the final verdict go against your hopes, but there are lots of positives still to be gained, when you're through the grieving process. Be strong, stop putting the brave face on and tell some of those people exactly how you feel, and you'll be ready to move on and give L a sibling when you are (IYSWIM).

Re: Insomniac pome

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

my inner earth mother got told to go and be natural in antarctica after she talked down to me like that fo years. it's not like she ever had to actually DO any of the things she demanded i had to. i try to no longer take advice from inner voices without actual experience.

Re: Insomniac pome

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

i think you've maybe put your finger on it: that's not a laid-back hippie girl coming out with all of that - some of it's from stern-faced, disapproving women (& maybe men, too?) from way before - and maybe from how they'd schooled themselves to appear to be, too, rather than how they'd've liked to think they truly were, inside.
hippie girls can grow up into hippie women [a] - though you don't have to, either: be who's right for you.

[a] - i dunno whether "hippie chicks" (tm) could, though, not without learning, and changing, a hell of a lot.