I am not having a row with my mother-in-law

[ailbhe]

I am not, I am not, I am not. I know she means well. I know she means well. I know she means well. She is very sorry. She is very sorry. She is very sorry.

Must... stop... feeling... stressed... about... this...

Gods, I hate the idea that anyone, ever, has the right to "expect" gifts. I hate it. That's not a gift, that's a tithe. And putting together a bloody shopping list makes me feel dirty. Why don't I just ask them all for cash?

Comments

Geek Answer Syndrome

[redbird]

As someone else observed, there are people who want to give gifts to celebrate, and either don't know you well enough to know what you like, or do know but also know that, say, you already have all the books by your favorite author, and that you don't need 33 identical kitchen gadgets.

Part of the problem, I think, is that the wedding gift registry goes back to a time when it was expected that the newlywed couple were setting up house for the first time--not just that they'd not lived together beforehand, but that the bride had lived with her parents and thus didn't have things like sheets and silverware.

You could tell her that you're feeling too caught up in wedding planning to even think about this right now, and that if anyone asks her (which some of Rob's relatives may) she should tell them that anything that reminds you of the giver would be welcome. This is likely to land you lots of little tchotchkes, but there are far worse fates.

Geek Answer Syndrome

[ailbhe]

Sadly (and I realise I'm starting to sound like someone who rejects all the answers offered as useless in order to magnify the importance of my problem) this was my initial response; "something that means something to the giver, something handmade, something small that they chose that will make us think of them". It was after I said that that she got us to write the list.

Wedding lists

[ocultado.livejournal.com]

As someone who always hated and detested the idea of wedding lists as being crass and selfish, I'm beginning to come around to the idea of them.

I've reached the age where I'm going to a lot of weddings. For the more personal friends I can normally find something appropriate, but for the weddings of people I don't know quite so well, a wedding list is a life saver. I won't buy anything if I don't want to, but a lot of the time I do want to buy something, but have no idea what. An online wedding list is great - that way I can just take a look for inspiration.

I think the trick is to put a lot of things around the €20 region. This has a few advantages - no-one feels they have to spend €100 on something, and most shops will allow you to take something to the value of the presents bought. So if you receive 20 €20 gifts, you can buy something for €400 - that new TV or freezer or whatever it is you need.