Different gift-giving protocols

[ailbhe]

Last night we played Catan and I had another go at explaining to someone who grew up with one form of gift-buying the value I see in another form. This is difficult. Oh, and I drank almost enough port to make myself sleep butnot quite so I just made myself hyper. It's been a stressful week.

This person grew up with zir family members explicitly stating what they wanted for birthdays, Christmas, etc. I can see the attraction - you never get a gift you don't want, and you never need to think about what to buy for someone. All you have to do is find the appropriate shop and hand over money. I grew up with having to put myself in the other person's shoes, think hard about the kinds of things they liked (remembering not to get them something I liked "because it was nice", but only "because they would like it"), and finally decide on something within my budget which they did not already own. Then all I had to do was find the appropriate shop and hand over money.

I find the latter kind of gift much pleasanter to receive, and it's hard to get them for someone without the early training in thinking about what other people really like and so on.

Wishlist-givers, IME, tend to think that the latter kind of gift-giver runs an unforgivable risk of getting something unwanted. I prefer to get something I don't want but can see has had effort put into it than handing over a shopping list - if you don't choose the gift yourself, why not just give me cash? Lists are for when you invite people who don't know you intimately to your wedding.

Must make wedding list. Similar to shopping list, but free.

Comments

[artela.livejournal.com]

Both our families seem to operate on the "don't ask the person directly what they would like, but collaborate with other family members to find out what they would like" - sort of a half-way house