Line in the sand

[ailbhe]

I've decided that I am just not going to accept "hitting children" or "physically assaulting children" as something grownups can't help doing. If I'm losing my temper that badly, I need help. I have a list of excuses, reasons or triggers as long as anyone's arm, but that doesn't make it ok, and I am allowed to insist that no-one persuade me that it's actually ok to hit children sometimes.

I really, really don't want them to grow up thinking it's ok to hit children "if you're cross enough" or something. I don't want them to fight the same urge to hurt I have to fight.

Also, I want everyone to breathe properly so I can get some sleep, please.

Comments

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

Anecdotally, I'd say don't make more of a big deal out of this that it needs to be. It's a mistake. You're not some super important person whose occasional lapses in serenity, whose mistakes, have world shattering consequences. You;re a mom like all the other moms in the world, and you'd do better by your children by acknowledging and accepting that rather than by driving yourself to despair over a momentary lack of perfection.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh; and I don't for a moment wish to imply that hitting Linnea was anything other than a very serious mistake that you should try very hard to never repeat. It happened though, and at this point the best way of ensuring it sticks in her head as a bad incident is making a big drama out of it.

[ailbhe]

This was already a repeat, and it's very clear to me that something needs to change. I need something to alleviate the 60 hours a week, I need some way to make up the rest I'm not getting while A is ill, etc.

This is so much more about me than about L that it's difficult for me to see why people are talking so much about L. She's fine; from her point of view I flipped out, I was horrible, I apologised, we're friends again, it's fine.

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

That sounds a lot better. "Something needs to change because I'm over-worked and miserable" is more reassuring to me than "something needs to change because I'm a terrible person who's done n unforgivable thing to my child". I guess I worry that you're beating yourself up counter-productively.

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

PS I see from the thread that I'm not the only one who interpreted "I need help" as "I need a psychiatrist" not "I need a babysitter"... Personally I think a babysitter would be more help! And also coming out for dinner with me like you keep promising. xx