Permission

[ailbhe]

One of the most wonderful things to come out of my terrifying brush with madness - well, ok, plunge into madness - last winter, when I spent most of my energy preventing myself from killing myself and persuading myself that Rob wasn't hurting the children or plotting terrible things to do to me, was permission to do things I like.

And I started painting.

And from that grew - oh, all sorts of things!

We have been in the income bracket that allows stuff like redecorating and new clothes for ages, but I didn't act on it. But this year I have - we got a new red kitchen, and new red dining chairs, and a new floor in the back bedroom, and all sorts of things. Now we're going to get the wardrobes I started wishing for before Emer was born but couldn't justify because -- well, not because they were more expensive than what we got instead, because they weren't a lot more expensive. Mainly because I liked them so much. If I like stuff enough I assume it's frivolous and irresponsible, like red chairs. Then when I get it I am dancingly happy; you'd think I'd have figured it out by now.

I'm figuring it out this year. I have regular Arting sessions. I am allowed to decorate the house in ways which make me happy as well as being functional. I keep taking the pills and we're all remembering that I need to rest a bit sometimes. It mostly works.

And real soon now I will be allowed to make my Coat Tree.

Comments

[pauamma]

Go you!