Send the baby away!

Yesterday, the teenager came for a couple of hours, and then A from the home ed group, along with kids P, M, E and L, brought Linnea to the park and the library and then back here. I stayed in bed.

Today Rob brought Linnea to A's and they may take her swimming. I have mostly been staying in bed but did manage to get dressed. This afternoon the NCT coffee people may or may not show up; if they do, they can make their own coffee. Rob has cleared the kitchen beautifully.

This afternoon the reliable teenager may come again; a lot depends on a job interview she has at 11 am.

And this morning I appear to be gearing up to have a baby at some point in the next month. I think I've been bleeding a very, very little. We shall see. It's nothing like last time, when the day I turned 37 weeks I lost my mucus plug and started having hard, frequent contractions, and a couple of days later I was still having contractions and started back labour and put my foot through a kitchn shelf from the shock of it.

I have mostly been reading John Holt, whose observations of children being afraid to answer - ornot answer - questions in school has given me some insight into people I know now who never commit to an answer to anything. I am even more convinced that correcting Linnea every time she gets something slightly wrong first try is a bad thing to do; I will start being more vocal with people who do it to her.

Linnea and Rob had a rough night, though not as disturbed as mine. Linnea woke needing juice and a nappy change at 1 am and then she wanted me, but Rob thought I needed my sleep and soothed her without me. Then Linnea slept late. I woke a lot - every time I needed to move, for a start - and had a whole host of difficult dreams about confrontation, standing up for myself, and protecting my family. Not subtle at all. I wish my subconscious would go back sub where it belongs.

However, I am not at pain at rest, and I can walk to the bathroom without more than middling pain. Sitting on a proper chair is painful; sitting up in bed is ok. Being able to walk is such a boon.

(My sinuses, which started this whole thing by making me dizzy enough to stumble, are still swollen and noxious. Bah.)

I miss her when she's go-o-one

Today Linnea was dropped off at friends in the morning and they kept her until about 4:30 pm. This provided me with some much-needed rest, but I missed her! Especially at lunchtime. Whatever else we do - me on the computer, her doing her own thing - we always reconnect at lunchtime and eat together, even if we both read while we do it.

I missed her terribly. She didn't miss me at all. So I'm doing something right, I suppose.

I stayed in bed with my feet up for most of the morning, and then went down to be ready for the NCT coffee afternoon, and loads of people came. I know why, too - there was only one event scheduled this week, and usually there are several. (Again, of half a dozen mothers, none had managed to breastfeed without formula supplementation at all. There is something wrong with the "help" people are getting when they're learning, really there is. I know loads of mothers and babies personally, locally, and almost none who didn't need to use formula at some stage).

I need to stop offering people the comfy chair when they say they need to feed the baby. None of them meant breastfeeding at all, and it seemed to make them uncomfortable. (And none of them could hold the baby and prep a bottle, yet - it must take more practice than I thought, because I remember my formula-feeding friends all did bottle-prep one-handed).

The other things they all talked about were having to pick the baby up all the time - something I was glad to be able to do when I was well enough - and how hard it is to fit all the packing for a baby into the boot of a car when going on holiday. I am an alien.

I'm sitting back up on the bed now, to stop my ankles swelling up. I called my mother for an hour earlier; her books are all packed up (she's selling her house) and she's feeling their loss sorely. She keeps going to look things up and not being able to.

Childcare!

Wednesday: Nothing sorted out yet, but a few possibilities - S or H may be free
Thursday: The reliable teenager is free in the afternoon
Friday: If Rob can work Sunday, he can take Friday off, with luck
Saturday morning's hospital appt: H may be free
Sunday: Rob might work from home

Monday: No idea
Tuesday: Appt in the morning, no cover. She can come with us to the appt in the afternoon.
Wednesday: Mary from Homestart 2-4 pm; other than that no cover, incl for the appt at 5 pm
Thursday: NCT people from 2-4 pm, which is fine, but other than that no cover.
Friday: No cover. Mum arrives at dinnertime (evening).

As things stand, Rob has three days of time off in lieu which he has not yet booked for anything and has not been allowed to book for anything. And one day booked for Tuesday. The local drop-in creches and nurseries are all closed for the summer holidays. We don't know enough teenagers by half. I may investigate getting my mother to come early, but she's in the middle of selling her house, buying a new one, and moving! She would drop everything and come, but really, that's ridiculous.

Gah.