Send the baby away!

[ailbhe]

Yesterday, the teenager came for a couple of hours, and then A from the home ed group, along with kids P, M, E and L, brought Linnea to the park and the library and then back here. I stayed in bed.

Today Rob brought Linnea to A's and they may take her swimming. I have mostly been staying in bed but did manage to get dressed. This afternoon the NCT coffee people may or may not show up; if they do, they can make their own coffee. Rob has cleared the kitchen beautifully.

This afternoon the reliable teenager may come again; a lot depends on a job interview she has at 11 am.

And this morning I appear to be gearing up to have a baby at some point in the next month. I think I've been bleeding a very, very little. We shall see. It's nothing like last time, when the day I turned 37 weeks I lost my mucus plug and started having hard, frequent contractions, and a couple of days later I was still having contractions and started back labour and put my foot through a kitchn shelf from the shock of it.

I have mostly been reading John Holt, whose observations of children being afraid to answer - ornot answer - questions in school has given me some insight into people I know now who never commit to an answer to anything. I am even more convinced that correcting Linnea every time she gets something slightly wrong first try is a bad thing to do; I will start being more vocal with people who do it to her.

Linnea and Rob had a rough night, though not as disturbed as mine. Linnea woke needing juice and a nappy change at 1 am and then she wanted me, but Rob thought I needed my sleep and soothed her without me. Then Linnea slept late. I woke a lot - every time I needed to move, for a start - and had a whole host of difficult dreams about confrontation, standing up for myself, and protecting my family. Not subtle at all. I wish my subconscious would go back sub where it belongs.

However, I am not at pain at rest, and I can walk to the bathroom without more than middling pain. Sitting on a proper chair is painful; sitting up in bed is ok. Being able to walk is such a boon.

(My sinuses, which started this whole thing by making me dizzy enough to stumble, are still swollen and noxious. Bah.)

Comments

[ai731.livejournal.com]

My subconscious clued in to the fact that I was finishing my college programme in 2 week's time and that meant Going Back To The Work Force. So I've been having anxiety dreams about college and job interviews every night for the past week.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

I am even more convinced that correcting Linnea every time she gets something slightly wrong first try is a bad thing to do; I will start being more vocal with people who do it to her.

So what will you do with her instead? Encourage a second try? I'm not attacking, I'm genuinely curious. :)

I'm sorry you are in so much pain and so uncomfortable.

Going outside to your garden is OK, correct?

I wish I could come over and do a chore or three for you ....

n.

[ailbhe]

Well, mainly, a little mistake doesn't matter at all, and if she does decide she wants to do it again, she will - for example, if the shape doesn't go in the first slot in the shape-sorter, she'll try another one. She doesn't need me to encourage her, she just does it. Or if she washes the window and it's still smeary, she'll try to get it cleaner, and if she needs help, she'll ask. Or she might give up on it and go back to it later.

Mostly, I leave her alone. If she wants help she asks, if she gets frustrated with what's not working I intervene and ask if she wants help, if she asks me to help I either tell her or, if it's too complicated for that, I show her and explain.

And sometimes she gives up entirely and says "You do it." And I mostly do.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Glad the practical mosaic seems to be holding, sorry about the sinuses and the continuing SPD pain. I'm sure you're right about correcting Linnea, and avoiding correcting Colin is something I work hard at. Something I think is related and find hard is how to react when he says "Mummy do it" to things I know he can do himself. Sometimes encouraging him to have a go seems to be the right thing, often just doing it since he's asked me to is better, but I'm often not sure which to do. (We do also get a lot of "Colin do it!" and I always let him if possible.) I'm finally reading Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting" (amazon.co.uk were unable to source it, amazon.com despatched it on the day I ordered it, hmm...) which I recommend, if you haven't read it yet, too. Very thought provoking about praise, especially.

[ailbhe]

When Linnea says "Mammy do it" we sometimes say "No, Nea do it" and sometimes not. It's usually clear which is most appropriate, and if we say "Nea do it" and she doesn't want to, she just says "No, you do it," and that's that.

I haven't read Unconditional Parenting. I must look it up.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I have mostly been reading John Holt, whose observations of children being afraid to answer - ornot answer - questions in school has given me some insight into people I know now who never commit to an answer to anything.

That sounds interesting, especially as many of my students seem reluctant to answer questions in tutorials. Which John Holt was it?

[ailbhe]

I'm not sure which one has most of it in it, but yesterday I read "How Children Fail" and today I'm reading "Teach Your Own." I *think* it's likely to be the former; there's a lot about how children get the right answer by watching the teacher's responses etc.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[k425.livejournal.com]

What kind of 'corrections' are you talking about? I vary between repeating back what Jack's said exactly as he says it, and repeating what he says in 'adult' language. What I do try to do is say "yes" before the repetition. So if he says "Mummy do it sandals" I'll either say "yes, Mummy do it sandals" or "yes, Mummy put Jack's sandals on". Or even "yes, I'll put your sandals on". Mostly I want him to know that I've understood what he's saying.

When it comes to outright errors - looking at a deer on CBeebies last night, for instance, and saying "cat" - it depends. If it's close enough for jazz I might say yes, otherwise I'll say something like "is it a cat? Or is it a deer?" and see if that reminds him about deer (which he knows about). And sometimes I'll say that it's like it but we call it a whatever. And sometimes I'll laugh and say what it really is - especially if there's a chance he's making a joke.

If he says "erm" before saying something then I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the right word and when he's had a guess I'll tell him the right word. I try not to say 'no' too often because how off-putting is that? I've learnt languages and you don't need someone saying "no" every time you make a mistake or you stop even trying!

[ailbhe]

"No, don't do it that way, do it this way" sort of stuff. Before the child has worked out that it's not working, or asked for help, or anything - and without giving the child a chance to work it out on their own. Or "No, don't say "My get it," say "I'll get it." "

[k425.livejournal.com]

Ah, right. Yes, I sometimes have to remind myself not to do this. I've taught myself to ask if he wants help for most things. He's learnt "it's a bit twicky" while he's working at something and "it's a bit twicky, Mummy do it" when he's ready to give up!

[ailbhe]

*dead of cute*