Just a reminder

[ailbhe]

If the children say to my face that they don't want me any more and they want Rob to come home instead, it means they are confident and secure in my attachment to them.

Even if they hit me while they do it.

Comments

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

Sorry - they hit you?

[ailbhe]

Biiiig meltdown. Over now.

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

But I'm reasonably sure it's not the first time you've mentioned it...? Glad it's over.

[ailbhe]

Oh, probably not - I have had children for over six years now, so I've probably mentioned being hit several times. Also kicked, bitten, and pissed on. And vomited on. And screamed at, sometimes at 4 in the morning.

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

I've had kids for over 24 years, and I've never been kicked, bitten or hit by either of them. I'm not convinced it's a necessary part of motherhood.

[ailbhe]

Gosh, both mine had hit, scratched AND bitten me before they were a week old!

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

Ok, if we're being pedantic - I've been a mother over 24 years, and I've never been hit, bitten or kicked by a child old enough to direct their actions in a conscious way, say from the age of 2...

[ailbhe]

How nice for you.

[rosefox]

I certainly can't speak for Ailbhe or directly address anything on the topic of parenthood, since I am neither Ailbhe nor a parent, but:

I note that if I had posted about something unpleasant happening to me, I wouldn't really enjoy receiving comments to the extent of "I've never experienced that", and would enjoy them even less if there were possibly some sort of subtext about what happened to me being my fault. I wouldn't enjoy it even if I thought it was my fault. Generally, when I'm posting about something unpleasant happening to me, I am feeling unhappy and injured and vulnerable, and I'm looking for connection and kindness and fellow-feeling. Perhaps I'm missing the ways that "I've never experienced that" and "my children don't behave that way" might be seen as falling into those categories.

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

I'm reasonably sure ailbhe can speak for herself.... but I take the point.

There is no subtext of parental fault in what I wrote - if a reader infers it, that is up to them, not the text.

My original comment was merely a query as to being hit by a child - the second comment came as a response to a statement that seemed to equate motherhood with being on the receiving end of physical violence. If that was meant in terms of a baby kicking, fair enough. If it's meant in terms of an older child being physically aggressive, that is a different issue. It's not an issue I'm passign judgement on, but it is a different issue, which was the point of my second post.

[ailbhe]

You really could have phrased things better, then.

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

I merely responded to your comment. It was, I think, fairly clear you were not talking in your original post about a child in their first weeks of life, after all.

[ailbhe]

Oh, fuck off, I've had a bad enough day without this.

[ifimust.livejournal.com]

Ok

[rosefox]

I don't think you do take my point if this is your response. I'm talking about hoping for comments that are explicitly kind. You're saying that your comments were not explicitly unkind. Very big difference.

EDIT: And I see our host has indeed spoken for herself, so I'll drop this here.