Traumatic birth, more than four years later

[ailbhe]

Well, I still cry. Who knew?

Today I'm thinking about Ways People Said It Was My Own Fault So I Deserved It (and incidentally, if it's all my fault, it means it couldn't happen to an innocent person, like, oooh, them).

- I didn't consent to a c-section (actually, I did, in writing, when they forced me to)

- I should have had the baby in Ireland

- I should have had the baby at home (except that when that was tentatively suggested antenatally it was shouted down srsly)

- I should have refused consent to / consented earlier to some / all of the interventions

- I should have realised that I had gestational diabetes and that's why my baby was so big (this one still knocks me sideways)

These Romans are crazy.

Comments

[nakedfaery.livejournal.com]

I had my son Nathan four years ago and still cry when I remember his birth. I didn't bond with him until he was several months old and had severe post natal depression, which I'm sure was related to the way he was removed from me.

I can rarely bring myself to think about it, and I repress my feelings of guilt/anger/violation a lot of the time. The few times I have talked about it, mostly to my therapist or my best friend, I've cried my heart out. Even writing this I feel the tears welling up.

I really do empathise with you and hope some day that you find peace with this. *many hugs*

[ailbhe]

http://ailbhe.livejournal.com/tag/birth+trauma might interest you, so. I've done *extensive* talking and thinking about it, and had a lot of therapy. Good therapy, too, not useless stuff.

[nakedfaery.livejournal.com]

I've had some therapy and am waiting to get more on the NHS. I can't afford private therapy. I might make a long rambly post about this at some point so you can understand my experiences. Thank you for sharing something with me that was obviously very difficult for you. *hugs*

[ailbhe]

Mine is/was all NHS (sex therapy appt on 8 Dec this year comin' up!) but I had to fight for it.

[nakedfaery.livejournal.com]

The NHS have actually been really good for my psychiatrist services and subsidising counsellors whilst I wait for a psychotherapist to be free. But I'm bipolar and have borderline personality disorder as well. I'm high priority atm because I have a child and am considered a suicide risk. The max time I can wait in my area is 18 weeks and it's already been 12, so *crosses fingers* it wouldn't be much longer.

I've read a lot about sex therapy and I think it would be really helpful for you, considering your experiences. I hope it goes well! :-)

[ailbhe]

Oh, it has been. We're almost finished the course, as it were.

I had weekly HV visits while I waited for counselling because of going-to-hurt-the-baby stuff.

[nakedfaery.livejournal.com]

I have a health visitor and a nursery nurse for some of Nathans stuff. I think I'm going to stop seeing the nursery nurse soon because I'm doing alright with Nathan's behaviour. I still need to see the HV whilst I'm depressed from my break up and going through med transition.

I've read through the bits of your journal that I can see and I think you sound like a really fantastic mum.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

People actually said these things? Good grief. Rude, factually wrong and, as you rightly say, crazy.

[ailbhe]

Not on the internet, either - in real life.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

I think these people are trying to convince themselves that bad things only happen to bad people, so they don't have to think about something so unfair and can just carry on in happy fluffy world.

[pauamma]

/me growls and offers non-rib-busting huggage.

[cat63.livejournal.com]

Because obviously you are psychic and knew what was going to happen....

FFS what is wrong with people that they've said this sort of thing to you?

For what it's worth, I'm sitting here fuming on your behalf.

[moonborn.livejournal.com]

I'm truly sorry for your terrible experience. :(

I have been thinking about this lately - at 6 months post-partum I still cry over my own experience and I can't watch birth scenes in films or read about other women's births without bawling.
Why is the modern health system so sick when it comes to giving birth?

[barakta]

My mum had people (little old ladies, otherwise nice polite human beings) telling her that I was born disabled for at least the following:

She must've drank too much in pregancy

She must've taken prescribed/non-prescribed drugs

She must have been evil/not Christian enough/other religious foulness of choice.

Interestingly I still get people asking if my disabilities are "cos my mum took pillz/drank/other". My usual response is to ask "if it was pills/drink/other how do you think I should answer this!?". That usually shuts them up.