Fear

[ailbhe]

Sometimes, I am absolutely terrified that one of the children is dead in her bed. It's quite hard to go and check, sometimes, in case I'm right.

(This hasn't happened today, but I wanted to state it, somewhere. Presumably it's one of those fears that either goes away or not. I desperately want my all children to outlive me, though I know plenty of people who have survived the death of a child and logically know my own life would go on, somehow.)

Comments

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

My mother had this fear about me until I was several years old - she apparently made my dad go and check me in the mornings first. Nobody ever, apparently, suggested she had PND.

[batswing.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. Poor woman.

[batswing.livejournal.com]

I think nearly every parent I've ever spoken to has had the fear of their child being dead at some time. I can't imagine how horrible it must be. It's bad enough fearing other people might die let alone your own child.

I'm glad it hasn't been there today for you.

[niallm.livejournal.com]

I had this for the first three and a half years, but it has begun to abate somewhat as the incidence of not-being-dead when I check grows continually...

[ellipunk.livejournal.com]

I frequently get this. Actually the last time was about 30 seconds before I read this entry. And now I have to go upstairs and check on them..

[(Anonymous)]

My eldest son is 40 and my youngest is 23. I still feel this fear at times.

Elaine

[rpdom.livejournal.com]

I get this with my partner sometimes, especially as her epilepsy sometimes causes her to stop breathing for what seems like ages while she's asleep.

Now I know that if I apply a very small amount of pressure in just the right place (I don't know how I knew where to push, it just seemed instinctive), she starts breathing again.

[ailbhe]

When Linnea had sleep apnea at 11 weeks old the only thing that started her breathing again was to wake her with a noise. Merely poking her in the ribs (hard) or picking her up didn't help. Whimpering in terror did, as did the alarm on the apnea monitor.

[ailbhe]

You're so reassuring :/

[webhill.livejournal.com]

I have the same problem. It's been almost eight years of that fear.

[pauamma]

*hug*

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

I didn't become a parent until my children were about 7 and 10. And I still had that fear sometimes.

[rosefox]

I have always had that fear about partners. It seems to be a near-universal thing to fear about people one loves.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I check mine when I go to bed, if I get up for any reason during the night & on the odd occasion that I get up before them. They share a room & Holls sleeps on the far side from the door & I always go right over & check her properly.

[hilarityallen.livejournal.com]

Yup. I had it about my parents when I was at boarding school.

[livi-short.livejournal.com]

Sue never woke me in the mornings, she would wake up and wait for me to go in. After a short time of knowing this was her routine the fear of her being dead subsided.

If Trish woke she screamed, she never stopped screaming until either her mouth was full or she had fallen back asleep. I'm told a lot of prem babies constantly cry. So with Trish if i woke and before her i was convinced she had died. It didn't help that she turned blue on a number of occasions either. It was a relief when she started to snore as now if i wake at night i can hear her breath and so roll back over.

Now i have a new fear. Yesterday morning Harvey woke for a feed at 3am and as agreed I went and kept Trish company and showed her how to burp (She wasn't shown even the basics while in hospital, but she was onl there 8 hours after birth) We settled him down and agreed to see each other at about 6 when he would likely need another feed. I woke at 7 and all was silent so the old fear was back. I snuck into thier room and had to go and touch his cheek to assure myself he was fine. he grimmised and so i went back to bed without disturbing either of them and then at eight I heard Trish talking. Her milk was ready and he was still asleep so she chatted to him until he woke for a feed.

He was the same this morning so my heart now knows that this seems to be his routine so it can go on beating and stop scaring me as they both need me around.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

I've stopped worrying about sprog dying in the night. He's 4.5. I do still check on him when I pass by at night, or in the morning, to make sure he's sleeping, not dead -- but it's not with the compelling urgency of "get out of bed right now and go make sure he's breathing".

It's more like the way I have to see (and preferably touch -- though I just count the fish) every pet at least once each day. Just in case.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Every night, the last thing I say to Agent Weasel is "I love you". That's so if there's a disaster, that will be the last thing she ever heard me say to her.

It passes

[(Anonymous)]

Some people are more paranoid than others, but I am one of the least paranoid, and I have still had these thoughts. However, it is unhealthy to let it consume you, and is out of your control. Let go. Chances are very, very good that everything will be fine.

Re: It passes

[ailbhe]

Who are you?

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I still get this fear for C and R, but not for orangebird any more. So I guess it tapers off sometime between 11 and 15, at least for me...