Taken from a comment elsewhere

[ailbhe]

[A specific explanation for a specific parenting problem] seems plausible to me - but also, she is definitely a bad mom, because ANY mom who is observed by ANY person other than her children almost ALWAYS comes off as a bad mom to herself, or at least an inadequate mom because intimately tied in with momness is a fear of failing the most important person in the universe by being less than perfect, and the only person who thinks mom is perfect is the baby - mom never ever thinks so and nor does anyone else. If moms were perfect vast sections of capitalism would disintegrate overnight, not least the sugary breakfast cereal market. Oh, and plastic crap with lights and batteries.

Comments

[ljgeoff.livejournal.com]

ANY mom who is observed by ANY person other than her children almost ALWAYS comes off as a bad mom to herself, or at least an inadequate mom because intimately tied in with momness is a fear of failing the most important person in the universe by being less than perfect, and the only person who thinks mom is perfect is the baby - mom never ever thinks so and nor does anyone else.

Hm. No, this isn't true for me. The desire for perfection is a heartbreaking waste of time, and a game that I'm really not interested in playing, even if it were to the advantage of my children. Actually, I think that seeking or pining after being the perfect parent is harmful to children.

[ailbhe]

It is no longer true for me - I think it's much more true for the mothers of new babies, especially their first new baby. I felt it less for Emer than for Linnea, and I will be interested to see how a third child feels in terms of my faith in my ability not to screw it up utterly goes.

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who has three, I see such a difference in the way I feel about myself as a parent to the third one. It really helps to be able to look at an almost 10 year old and think 'well, whatever I did with that one, I must have done some of it right, because she is sensible and responsible (mostly) and likeable'.

As time goes on I am finding it easier and easier to cope with not being a 'perfect mother' and concentrate on enjoying myself and enjoying the children. Not always, as you will know from reading my journal, but certainly more so than it used to be when the older two were very small.

[rmc28]

I don't think I aim for perfection, but even 'good enough' is quite hard to achieve.

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

- "Oh, and plastic crap with lights and batteries."

What, you mean vibrators?



(sorrysorrycouldn'tresist)

[pauamma]

And the education industry (including its state-run and or publicly funded parts). And a large chunk of the law enforcement sector too, probably.