From a comment I posted elsewhere

[ailbhe]

My anecdata indicates that most mothers feel responsible for the well-being of their baby all the time, however far apart they are, and some fathers feel that, eg, they are not responsible for forgetting to feed the child [in their care] because they forgot.

Also, most mothers are too fucking tired to sort it out themselves. There's the whole, well, world and all the people in it, out there, and most of them expect the mothers to do it all - whether or not they also work a 40 or 60 hour week in a paid job - and pay for all the childcare too.

And then there's newspaper headlines: TRAGIC CHILD HORROR ALL MOTHER'S FAULT is one that they needn't even put back in the box between uses, it's so often needed.

And everyone blames the mothers who don't fight this, this, this weight of expectation and pretty much lets their well-meaning but also not fighting it partners off scot free. And if the mother rants about the partner she's a whiny nagging cow.

That's all for now. We now return me to my regularly scheduled blood pressure. Emer is GORGEOUS today and has been enjoying the swing. I have another post about unexpected visitors to post later.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

My middle son is the stay-at-home parent in his family. His wife is in paid employment, having just gone back after maternity leave, but is currently only doing a 4 day week. The thing he finds hardest is being treated as a bit of a 'social outcast'. He is looked at strangely and feels somewhat excluded by the mums at the 'mother-and-baby' group he attends with his three and a half year old daughter and 7 month old son, and he misses male company during the week.

He does, of course, feel - and take - full responsibility for the children in his care. (But he did ring his wife no less than five times one day recently when the (breast-fed) baby wouldn't stop crying all day! Though they both admit he had no idea what he thought she could do about it!)

My second son works from home and his wife is a nurse, working full-time but on shift work. They share equally the care of their 3 year old twins and 2 year old, while approximately a third of the time the girls are all in a Nursery, paid for from the 'pot' into which both their salaries go.

Both these sons give me some hope that the current pressures on mothers WILL change, but I can't help feeling that until child-care is properly valued, and seen as the vitally important job it is, I am afraid they will continue to be exceptions rather than the rule.

Elaine xx

[k425.livejournal.com]

In August my husband takes early retirement and will be staying at home to look after our son and the house when our son starts school in September. From that point on it will all be his responsibility (although I'll probably still do the household accounts because I like it).

I'm afraid I laughed about your son ringing about the baby - I did similar. It wasn't so much that I wanted OldBloke to do anything, I just wanted some sympathy, and to hear something that wasn't a crying baby!