On Marriage: I welcome discussion

[ailbhe]

I'm pulling this one out for further discussion. I'm particularly interested in the views of people who thought marriage was meaningless, or that it's just unfair because of hetersexual privilege, childrearing privs, etc. I mean, obviously it *is* unfair, but I'm interested in other people's views.

Are you happy that you married Rob?

Depends on what you mean by married. I'm happy we are committed life partners. I'm delighted we're co-parents. I'm thrilled we plan holidays and DIY and grocery shopping and menus together. I'm pleased some of our friends and family came to celebrate our relationship and offer support for our commitment. I'm ambivalent about the legal and social status the legal ceremony gave our relationship. It was originally because of child guardianship laws - only a man (not necessarily the father) married to a woman at the time of birth got automatic next of kin type rights. That law changed I think while I was pregnant, so I felt dreadful. Then civil partnerships showed up and I felt a bit better. It's complicated.

Comments

[ai731.livejournal.com]

Here the legal second parent of a child is that person designated by it's mother, and agreed to by the second person (male or female). That is to say, the mother signs a document (called a "Declaration of Birth") saying "The second parent of this child is Foo", and Foo signs the document to agree that he/she is the second parent of the child. Regardless of genetics, this second parent then has all parental rights. So my lesbian cousin's partner legally became the second parent at their son's birth, exactly the same way that Jean-Francois became Daphne's father at her birth. Basically the signatures on the "Declaration of Birth" trump the civil status of the individuals involved.

[ailbhe]

It's whoever is on the birth cert now, I believe. But it wasn't when I first got pregnant.

It was by the time she was born. I may never get over being angry about that.