On Marriage: I welcome discussion

[ailbhe]

I'm pulling this one out for further discussion. I'm particularly interested in the views of people who thought marriage was meaningless, or that it's just unfair because of hetersexual privilege, childrearing privs, etc. I mean, obviously it *is* unfair, but I'm interested in other people's views.

Are you happy that you married Rob?

Depends on what you mean by married. I'm happy we are committed life partners. I'm delighted we're co-parents. I'm thrilled we plan holidays and DIY and grocery shopping and menus together. I'm pleased some of our friends and family came to celebrate our relationship and offer support for our commitment. I'm ambivalent about the legal and social status the legal ceremony gave our relationship. It was originally because of child guardianship laws - only a man (not necessarily the father) married to a woman at the time of birth got automatic next of kin type rights. That law changed I think while I was pregnant, so I felt dreadful. Then civil partnerships showed up and I felt a bit better. It's complicated.

Comments

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Our marriage is useful in that my family now all has the same surname, but that could have been achieved with a deed poll name change & I indeed, Kate had a different surname to me for the first 2 years of her life. At school, I am called Mrs Blight as it's Kate's surname, would they still call me that if I was still Anna Roberts?

This year, Andy & I will have been a couple for 8 years & married for 4, yet the outside acknowledged celebration will be our wedding anniversary. The 8 years of being together is for meaningful for me, plus Kate is going to be 6 in March, so again, it is more meaningful that my eldest child has been with us for 6 years.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

At school, I am called Mrs Blight as it's Kate's surname, would they still call me that if I was still Anna Roberts?
Yes!

[hypatia.livejournal.com]

Definitely. Anyone knowing my children addresses me as Mrs Offspring-surname. I could get worked up about it but life is too short.

[ailbhe]

My sister used to get addressed as Mrs Stepson-Surname, which was neither her name nor the child's father's name.

[merryhouse.livejournal.com]

I *almost* sorted that one by settling both names on the children, so that they are "Son W-C" (unfortunate, I know... but kids today don't seem to know WC) and I have been sufficiently high-profile about it that all the teachers, and therefore all the children (they are much more accepting than adults), call me "Mrs W". It could be worse.

Of course, I haven't tried sending Rob into school to see how they cope ;-)

I think my father still hasn't come to terms with it. His cards are addressed to "Master Initial C" . My parents-in-law, however, use "Master Initial C-W" - they're very good at keeping their differing opinions to themselves.

[rmc28]

I have yet to train certain relatives out of addressing us as "Mr & Mrs F Finch". I seem to have upset the stuffiest by repeatedly failing to do Christmas cards etc, which helps!

I don't mind "Mr & Mrs Finch" as I deliberately made my surname non-hyphenated so the Coleman could be dropped when I was doing entirely with-Tony (or now with-Charles) things. I can live with "Mrs Finch" and there are times when it is useful, but I hate and loathe "Mrs F Finch", I am not an appendage of my husband.