Saying Sorry

[ailbhe]

Before I had children - and until Linnea was walking, even - I thought that insisting that children say "sorry" was pointless, at best, and completely devaluing the concept of apology, at worst. I've changed my mind.

I really, really value an apology. Which is not to be confused with the attempts they make to get out of jail free by doing something dreadful and chirping "I sorry now!" with a beaming smile.

So now I make my kids say sorry.

It started with me apologising to them, and on their behalf, a lot. Then I started instructing them to say sorry (I don't ask them unless I'm willing to cheerfully accept a "No," it's bad for my blood pressure to shoot myself in the foot that way). At some point I started adding a sorry-for-what? which means they don't just say Sorry, they say "Sorry, Name, for doing the whatever it was."

If they're not ready to say sorry, they have to go somewhere else until they are ready. Sometimes, they are not ready to accept each others' apologies. That's ok. Saying sorry doesn't make everything better, and it's not supposed to. It's just a first step.

I think arming them with the ability to make a prompt and sincere apology (which is often a difficult thing to do) is a good thing for the rest of their lives. And it makes it much, much easier to live with them. We all apologise a lot. I like that.

Comments

[annburlingham.livejournal.com]

Having to say we're sorry ourselves quickly became a big part of Jason's and my child-rearing - how can we expect behavior we don't exhibit? (We still talk to Henry often about how it isn't always easy for us, either, to apologise, but still necessary.)

[ailbhe]

I didn't realise how little we said "Please" and "Thanks you" until Linnea started talking; it wasn't part of Rob's normal conversation at all, and I'd sort of dropped it in sympathy, or something. We put it back in pronto!