Breastfeeding "help" in hospital

[ailbhe]

The first was when I asked a woman in staff clothes - I think she was a Maternity Assistant, not a nurse or a midwife - to help me by giving me a cushion to keep the baby off my wound, and hand me the baby. She wanted me to try the "rugby hold", and I said "It never worked with my other daughter." She argued with me, saying that feeding the baby held in front of me wouldn't work and would cause pain to the wound. When it became clear I was going to try it my way, she walked away. Had I needed further assistance, I would have had to buzz again - as it was I had to position the cushion with one hand while holding the baby with the other, less than twelve hours after abdominal surgery. The good news is that the cushion supported my arm, which supported the baby, and we had a comfortable feed.

The next I don't really remember, but feeding lying down a Staff Nurse reached out and touched my breast to help position it. I don't remember whether I said anything, or what she was trying to do.

After that, my mother and I heard the woman in the bed next to mine having a long argument with a midwife because she and her baby had been just about discharged, gone to change the baby's nappy before leaving, and found crystals in it. This can be a sign of dehydration so they were asked to wait to see a paediatrician before leaving. There was a delay of more than six hours to see the paediatrician, during which time the woman was given no help at all with latching, positioning, determining whether the baby was sucking effectively (you can often tell by looking). She wasn't told that there was a breastfeeding clinic downstairs she could drop in to without an appointment. She wasn't offered a meeting with a lactation consultant. She was just told that the baby could be dehydrated, that this was "because feeding wasn't going well," and that she "had to" wait to see a paediatrician before she could go home. (Eventually, her mother, who is a doctor, came in and got them released somehow, after both parents and the grandmother spoke to the paediatrician - luckily the paediatrician spoke German, because the baby's mother was German and though her English was excellent she was too upset to have to cope with new-baby-panic in a second language. The grandmother's English wasn't as good as the mother's, either).

Later that evening the Staff Nurse dropped by my bed to ask how things were going and I said "Fine," and she asked how feeding was going and I said "Great, she's been on most of the day, really," and I was in the process of latching her on again as I said that. The Staff Nurse reached out and sort of squeezed my breast above the nipple to try to push more if it into Emer's mouth. I said "Please don't," and she explained that she was trying to make sure the latch was ok. I assured her it was fine. She said it couldn't be because the baby shouldn't be hungry enough to suck all day, the colostrum should be enough, and if she was sucking all day it was because the latch was bad. I ended up repeating over and over that I thought the baby just liked to suck. She'd only been born that morning, after all - and that was early. (Latch fine, baby fine, c-section babies are often very clingy and needy the first day because it's a very sudden way to come into the world).

At some point that night someone told me I shouldn't feed her when she started mouthing, I should wait until she "really wanted it" so that she'd "have a really good feed". Er, yeah. Ever tried to latch on a really, really hungry and frustrated newborn? No joke.

And the final straw was at about 1 am. Around 8 pm Emer was declared a bit cold, and they put her on a heat pad under a plastic dome in the bedside bassinet (a whole nother post about the skin to skin thing follows, I promise). At 11 pm I couldn't bear it any more and I buzzed for someone. A midwife arrived, told me to turn on the light - I had no idea how and it took a while to get her to tell me how, turns out there's a button on the buzz-for-a-nurse thing - and asked me impatiently, in a daytime voice, what I wanted. I said "I want to touch my baby." She said:

"What for?"

I said "Because she's my baby," and we had a little argument. She insisted that the baby should not be disturbed, I said I didn't want to disturb her, just touch her, she said that I ought to leave the baby alone and rest... it went on and on. Eventually I said "But how can I rest if I can't touch my baby?" and she gave in. She did a full check of blood pressure, temperature, and pulse, and then tucked Emer in beside me for skin to skin, and I fed her. The midwife asked if I'd fed my other daughter and I said "I still do," and immediately her attitude changed: now I was a Good Mother, a Good Patient, and she was going to be nice to me. She even said she'd make sure I was checked a couple of hours early to get the catheter out before breakfast time.

And a while later the woman in the bed opposite buzzed for her, for help breastfeeding. I don't remember the whole conversation, but the gist of it was that the woman had had trouble feeding earlier in the day and asked for and been given a bottle of formula. The night midwife harangued her about it - strongly implying that she was stupid, repeating and repeating that she was sure to fail if she had given a bottle, that bottles are very harmful to breastfeeding, that she needed to never give a bottle, that she shouldn't have given the bottle... she didn't stop until the woman was crying. And nowhere in the "conversation" did I hear helpful advice, or a question about what precise problem the mother had with feeding, or anything useful or supportive like that.

I was furious, but far too ill and tired to buzz for the midwife to tell her what I thought of her. I wanted to. I almost shouted across the bloody room, but I was too ill for a confrontation at 1 am - I was too ill to hear other people's confrontations, for heavens' sake. And I was sick of being given breastfeeding advice by unqualified people myself, so dishing it out wasn't really a good idea.

Next day I moved to a private room, and we found out that there's a patient-midwives meetings scheme thing to improve midwifery services. I intend to get involved. Hooboy do I intend to get involved.

Comments

[clare-s.livejournal.com]

I didn't like the midwife grabbing the boob and shoving it in baby's mouth thing either.

[ailbhe]

I will be making my strong opinions on the practice known when I attend the first meeting. Assault and intimidation are not good ways to start someone's breastfeeding relationship. Nu-uh.

[astrogeek.livejournal.com]

I didn't like that either, although in our case it seemed to work, in that it got Alistair latched on quickly and easily. The problem was that it didn't help me to learn how to do it myself, so when it came to the next feed I still had no idea how to latch him, and had to call the nurse again, who did the same thing again. Luckily I had a baby that was a lot more proficient at it than me, and by the time I left the hospital he was able to latch himself without my help, but if I'd had a lazy nurser or soemthing I suspect that I would have been in big trouble by about day 3.

[velcro-kitten.livejournal.com]

Lord, it does all sound horribly familiar (I had a "lazy nurser"), Ailbhe, make notes, lots of notes and go in guns blazing.

Oh and Congratulations

Maria (and Louis too)

[clare-s.livejournal.com]

Yep thats a problem I definately had. The best help I got was a DVD from my health visitor which went through step by step. It's only now at nearly 5 weeks are we getting any signs of self latching

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it sounds as if there are a lot of stressed and tired health care professionals who a) don't know how to teach mothers how to do stuff for themselves, and b) don't have the time to teach ditto, which, to me, means they're sort of in the wrong profession. Sigh.

[therealocelot.livejournal.com]

I recently took a class on supporting breastfeeding, and we were taught to put our hand over the mother's and guide her, rather than touching directly. And all with permission of course.

Seems much more sensible all around. The mom gets a chance to actually feel how to do it, and doesn't have random strangers grabbing her boob.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

All this stuff is making me livid.

WHAT FOR?! WHAT FOR?!

DUDE!

n.

[ailbhe]

I admit to being somewhat surprised.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

Surprised that I am livid that the nurse asked you "What for?", or surprised that the nurse asked you, "What for?"

n.

[ailbhe]

The latter :) (And it was a midwife, not a nurse - midwives are supplosed to *specialise* in mothers and babies!)

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

it was a MIDWIFE?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

*tears hair out*

*represses violent reaction*

n.

[barakta]

These stories only confirm all the bad reputation that midwives have, which is a shame because I believe there are good, kind, considerate and intelligent ones out there...

Go you for all the stuff you plan to do. I know you will make a difference as someone needs to explain exactly what was wrong, why it was wrong and give them directions on how they could improve things.

There are so many ways that support could have been increased for the other mothers/families, as well as the midwives interacting with you. Certainly ASKING before they touched you would have been a good start - as they do have to assume you know nothing, but should be alert for signs of knowledge.

[ailbhe]

The very fact that the Head of Midwifery has started a scheme to involve patients/mothers in the improvement of midwifery services is a huge step in the right direction, I think. And of course My Midwife is second only to the gods in my estimation. I will be writing about her soonish as I need to write her a nomination for Midwife Of The Year.

The person who touched my breast, twice, without warning or consent, was a Staff Nurse, not a midwife, as it happens - but I know it's something midwives do all the time. The person who reduced a stressed mother to tears at 1 am was a midwife.

[sshi.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think that if someone started touching my boobs without consent, even to demonstrate breastfeeding, they would get the face bitten off them, even if I was tired and sick. Actually, definitely if I was tired and sick (guess how I react to being tired and sick?). That's Just. Not. On. And no-one, least of all someone who has just had a child, should have to deal with it from someone in a uniform.

Letter-writing and the midwifery scheme both sound like excellent ideas.

[ailbhe]

Cunningly, the hormones released during childbirth - even if you have a section delivery, placenta detachment does hormonal things - make women very very trusting AND strongly disinclined to defend themselves. My own lovely midwife actually said "New mothers don't defend themselves. They just don't." Some women go into labour prepared for this - as I did - and summon up the nerve to say "Don't do that."

Most women don't.

So there you go.

[ms-interpret.livejournal.com]

Holy crows. I wondered why I became so bloody passive! I wish I'd known that beforehand.

[barakta]

The head of midwifery has probably received a number of complaints about various members of her staff or sees things which horrify her. I find these stories frightening as I come from a family of midwives and I really hope that none of my family would treat people badly (although I can see some of them being presumptive because they don't realise it's offensive and unhelpful).

In my experience all the best medics have been the ones who have said "May I do xyz?", the ones who appreciate that routine for them is not always routine for you, the ones that realise YOU own your body not them.

I can only imagine pregnancy and childbirth is one of the worst experiences for the 'self-ownership' of your body being violated by people intentionally or otherwise.

I suspect if the scheme works out the head midwife will be able to aim some training at the staff which re-enforces the self-ownership of womens' bodies as well as their right to be with their child as much or as little as they want.

[treadpath.livejournal.com]

That sounds infuriating... and very like my postpartum hospital experience. :(

I think you are awesome for getting involved in improving things. Give them hell! :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they're getting patient feedback!

[quasi-hayley.livejournal.com]

And now it all becomes clear why I had to call out the emergency midwife on Christmas day. Help with breastfeeding leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. I was gutted that I had to bottle feed my daughter and whilst she's doing very well on it, I still feel guilty that I wasn't able to breast feed.

[rmc28]

Thank you for sharing all this (and the previous entries). This one makes me angry and want to cry, but it's also helping me:

I will be adding "don't fucking touch me without permission, even if you think you're helping me breastfeed" (more politely) to my birth plan. Tony & I are meeting with my (so far utterly lovely) midwife on Sunday week to go through the birth plan. (And for that too, I have to thank you, reading yours has given me useful ideas.)

If all goes well, I won't need to worry, I'll be at home with Tony and my mother and safe. It's if all doesn't go well and I have to go to hospital that I am damn well going to be prepared for. Being in hospital last year was the most helpless I've ever felt and I hate the thought of being like that again.

Dear Midwives,

[squishsplash.livejournal.com]

1) Please always allow for the posserbility that any given mother you speak to does in fact deeply lover her newborn child and want what's best for it, no matter how tired or cranky *you* may be at 1am in the morning.

2) Please allow for the posserbility that any given mother you deal with may not be aware of the consequences of a seemingly trivial decision, such as giving a baby a dummy or bottle of formula. Whenever one of these seemingly tiny decisions which typically has invisible far-reaching effects is being made, it is your role to respectfully provide information, to ensure that an informed decision can be made.

3) Please always allow for the posserbility (but never assume) that any given mother you deal with knows what she is doing.




Anyone with just a *tiny* bit of "customer service" savvy should be able to work this sort of stuff out, you'd think...

[triskellian]

These stories are fascinating, and very worrying. Thank you for sharing them, and congratulations on the safe arrival of Emer!

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

It's so sad that breastfeeding isn't supported in the right ways. I remember a midwife at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital flat-out refusing to help me to get orangebird latched on - no reason given. Fortunately, we figured it out by ourselves - he was the least fussy of all of my three as far as positioning was concerned, and by the time I had the other two, I had the confidence to know I could figure out the problems.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. "What for?" is truly incredible. And that night midwife needs the professional equivalent of a swift kick up the arse. (This sort of story reduces me to helpless, shaking rage. Hmmm. Do you think I feel strongly about breastfeeding support, or something?)

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Bah, LJ. That was me.

[ailbhe]

Had I not had the blissful hormone rush of my newborn, I would have been sobbing from the misery of overhearing her. As it was, I was shaking with anger and sympathy.

[sarahparade.livejournal.com]

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