C-Section: "Is that what you want to do?"

[ailbhe]

My midwife came and I was talking about getting more stressed as we get nearer to C-Day and she asked "Is that what you want to do?"

I burst into tears.

She doesn't like the idea of a section. She's going to do the research I'm too sick in the head to do, and find out what the risks of vaginal birth really are, and why people are advising a section. She also wants the contact info of a midwife who offered to talk to me about delivery after severe tearing because I was never able to call her, but my midwife can because she doesn't get my panic attacks.

Oh god. I am hopeful and afraid and very, very shaken. Very, very shaken. But nothing but good can come of this: either my beloved midwife will discover that a trial of labour is safe enough for me, or that it would come with risks I am not willing to take, and at least I won't just be taking people's word for it without in-depth information. She's going to find out why I'm supposedly not allowed to go into labour and have contractions, and what the fears of damage during delivery itself are, and whether something like slightly early induction to avoid a large baby might help, and...

Oh god. She's going to ask actual questions about all the options, and then she's going to come back to me with the information, and talk me through it, and let me make the decision.

I am so afraid.

Comments

[nicolap.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Information is power.
Your midwife sounds like a national treasure.

[zinecure.livejournal.com]

Whatever you decide or have to do, I am sure that it will all work itself out. I am hoping that you have nothing but an easy, as painfree as possible, wonderful, happy birth!

My thoughts are with you and your little bun in the oven;)

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm so glad you have someone who understands the lingo and can research this for you, so that you don't have to. She sounds like a very good person to have in your corner.

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

That's wonderful news (and your midwife sounds great). I kind of hesitate to say, but - if after all this you choose c-section, don't use the possibility that there might just maybe have been another choice as a stick to beat yourself with. Information, choices, no right way.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Yes. This. Absolutely.

[jentifred.livejournal.com]

Exactly. And while I know you know this, I'll say it anyway: There is more to consider than your physical well-being. If your midwife comes back and says that a vaginal birth is possible, but the thought of the risks makes you panicky, you need to take that into account. Because if you're physically intact but emotionally wrecked, that's no good either.

But yes, have her do the research--it's much better than slogging through it yourself.

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

*Hugs; massive, massive hugs*

I love your midwife and I have never even met her. I am so, so glad that someone is doing this for you.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

Yay for a good, caring midwife! This is exactly what she should be doing - acting as a filter/interpreter for the information you need to make your choice. And hopefull protecting you from some triggering stuff.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I don't know what to say about the fear, I really don't. I've been in floods of tears and non-functional on and off this week with my own medical phobia. (I really need to get a tooth looked at, but that involves a middle aged man in a white coat and gloves, which I can't handle.)

Don't read the rest of this until you feel up to dealing with it.








A few weeks/months ago, when you had that run-in with the woman on the mailing list who was giving you advice despite not knowing anything of your medical history, I talked to an irc acquaintance who is a midwife. I told her what you'd been told, and she responded by asking whether the C-section was really what you wanted to do, and telling me about patients of hers who'd had third and even fourth degree tears with one baby but been able to deliver vaginally for the next. I felt attacked and was in tears, and had a bloody great go at her that it really wasn't what I needed to hear. She explained that tears are not normal, and they happen because the labour has been mis-managed. She also said that if your midwife was recommending C-section, it was the best thing to do - but if it was only doctors who wanted it and the midwife thought you could deliver safely vaginally, then it would be reasonable to try that with the C-section as a backup to be used only if the labour wasn't working out and it looked like you would tear again.

I don't know what to say. I can't possibly understand all the reasons why you'd prefer the vaginal birth, but I can understand that you'd feel more in control that way, and I can understand only too well the triggeriness of not being in control :/ Your midwife is a medical professional and knows you and knows the situation, and can sort through the information for you.

Meep :( I only wish it wasn't scary for you, and I don't know what else to say.

[st-lemur.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

"aol!"'n'*hugs*

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

your midwife rocks.

and yeah, it makes perfect sense to be afraid. but you're not alone. you have this very capable and caring person to watch out for you. and you yourself are very capable; you'll go on through the fear, listen to the data, make your decisions, give birth and continue to be a great parent. i am constantly impressed with you.

i'm just sorry that it's so traumatic.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose there may *be* occasions where it's possible to say "looks like she's going to tear again" and still have time to do a c/s, but it seems rather unlikely that it'd be like that always, or even very often. Midwives can have their ideology and prejudices, too.

It's bound to be a balance of risks, Ailbhe, nobody's going to be able to say for sure what will work out best. I hope your midwife can do a good job of helping you come to as good an understanding as is possible of what the options and their pros and cons are, so that you can choose.

[nicolechan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you have such a great MW. Hopefully she can come up with some answers for you.

Though, c-sections really are not that scary. I know you dont want to have one, but what are the fears behind it?

Whatever you choose hon, I hope all goes well and you have a very happy ending. Of course you'll have your little baby, but I mean happy ending by having a great birth experience.

[ailbhe]

My midwife is going to talk to a midwife with experience of dealing with women who have had third and fourth degree tears. It's rare that women with such injuries will opt for a vaginal birth next time, especially if there are complications as I had, but it does happen.

Tears are not normal and can happen even when labour is well-managed. I think the midwife you spoke to has forgotten that birth used to be commonly fatal for everyone involved. No, that's not all of why I tore, and yes, my labour was mismanaged, but the Control Group Ailbhe is still in the shop and we've no date for finalisation of the prototype just yet.

My midwife is unlikely to make a concrete recommendation for anything, to be honest. She has put me in control and wants to keep me there - for which I am very grateful. What she WILL do is tell me the risks and support whatever decision I make. That's why she never questioned my section decision before - I've never indicated I *wasn't* happy with it before. That is, she asked, once, and I said I was resigned to it. She accepted that and has ever since worked to make it a good experience for me.

[ailbhe]

I don't want to inflict a c-section on a baby who doesn't need it unless I have to. I don't want to inflict a six-week recovery time on my toddler and husband. And I really, really hate catheters.

[nitoda]

So happy to hear this loving midwife is with you and working for you - I hope you achieve the best possible outcomes, you certainly deserve to.

[rmc28]

That's so good of her - to find the information for you and give you the control.

My hopes and thoughts with you.