Yes, But I'm Different

[ailbhe]

Other people with third degree tears go on to have vaginal deliveries in birthing pools with whale music or godknows panpipes versions of Beatles hits or whatever.

I cannot do this. More happened to me than a simple third degree tear. The damage done to me is greater than that. The problem with me having another vaginal birth isn't just that I might tear, it's that I'd have to have contractions. It's that even if I didn't tear, the muscles and nerves would be stretched again and might not spring back so briskly this time. That I'm much more likely to tear again than most because of the extent and direction of the tears I sustained last time. That the untreated element of my physical problems would cause exceptionally high levels of pain during labour, possibly causing the whole proceedings to stop entirely anyway.

Would someone please tell the voices in my head all this again, as they are not listening to me?

Comments

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Listen to the facts, the voices aren't listening to them.

I can partially (in a very small way) empathise as I'm broody & my body wants to get pregnant. I think about bumps, babies, labour, breastfeeding, meeting your child for the first time & all the wonderful, wonderful things, constantly. I would have to have a planned section (consultant told me after I'd had Holls) & the voices in my head wouldn't like that. I tried for a VBAC with Holly partly to prove that my body could do it & I proved that it couldn't. My scar with Holls hasn't healed very well & I get a lot of pain from the internal scarring.

Not sure where I'm going with this now, I was trying to say that I can understand what the voices are saying, but you & I both know that their option isn't the best one all round.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

a person wishes to verify that you are going to have a planned c-section before she makes any supportive comments based on this post and that recollection.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

Sadly, they need extra degrees to describe some birth injuries. There is nothing beyond third degree in the terminology but there are a whole range of things beyond it in reality.

For all sorts of reasons I think your plans for a planned c-section are *exactly* the right solutions *for you* and f*** what other people do.

Of course the irony is that I had the opposite going on.

[ailbhe]

The date isn't actually set, but yes, that's what all the planning is aiming at so far.

GOD the voices hate me for saying that AGH.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I wish i could sing the voices in your head a lullabye. They need to stop worrying about these hypothetical other people and just look after you.

[clare-s.livejournal.com]

A C-Section is best for you and best for your baby. End of story, no questions asked and no negociation.

This is not a case of choosing the 'easy' option but rather choosing the only one.

[ailbhe]

I think I might hit 'em onna head wivva rock.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Actually there is, there's fourth degree. But still.

Voices in Ailbhe's head: shut up! She's absolutely right. She deserves to be in a position where a vaginal birth makes sense, and if it remotely did make sense, she'd be going for it. But she isn't there, she's made an informed decision to have a c/s, which really seems to be the only possible decision given the facts, and tormenting her isn't going to change that. So begone ye spirits, and return no more!

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

if you were not planning a c-section given your circumstances i would think that you were a whackjob who didn't care about her health, her marriage, or the health of the new baby.

this is to say, it seems dead sensible of you to plan a c-section, and your voices are whackjobs and can just bug off. stupid voices.

*hug*

[sinboy.livejournal.com]

I'm just learning 1/100th of what it means to have one's body not work anymore (arthritis in the knees - I used to be a runner.) and it sucks *hard*. I can only imagine how horrible this can be, but *please* remember that you are healing, and that doing things the C-section way is going to help you heal more.

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

Hits the voices in your head over the head!
The voices in your head arent having the baby; YOU are!
From what has happened, we know that a c section is the only way for you both to come out of this safely. There IS no option; there is the c section.
I knew after my third failed pregnancy that I would have to have surgery while pregnant, and that Things Would Not Be Easy. They weren't easy; but I had the sdvised procedure, and it was worth all of it; and again the next time I got that far. It isn't fair, but the voices must accept that it is essential.
((hugs))

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Dear Voices In ailbhe's Head,

Please be aware that if you wish to continue your tenancy without incident, it would be inadvisable to substantially undermine the foundations of your present home. Causing unnecessary damage to already weakened structure can result in subsidence and collapse, and could endanger life and limb. On the grounds of health and safety therefore you are asked to cease and desist.

Yours faithfully,

the Planning Department.

[pauamma]

If none of the other suggestions work, you may want to talk to the voices as if they were people.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

This is a great comment.

And yes, the "Other people can do this so why can't I?" school of thinking is so entirely unhelpful it's just not true.

I could swear I posted this hours ago. Oops.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Dear voices in Ailbhe's head: I know it's hard. It really is. You just want what Ailbhe kind-of sort-of still wants. And you're blissfully able to insist on this *despite* facts.

But it'd be kinder if you'd let her alone. Cuz you're not makin' it any easier, that's for sure.

And now for something completely different.

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

Just tagging this onto your latest post: fantasy books by Astrid Lindgren. These are in order of scariness; they’re probably more in the 6-10 year bracket, although not having read them recently and not being all that good a judge of children that’s very approximate. While I’m not of the phalanx that considers it scandalous that she never got a Nobel prize, these are IMHO the books which made the idea worth considering.

• Ronja the Robber’s Daughter/The Robber's Daughter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronia_the_Robber%27s_Daughter) (Ronja rövardotter). Two English translations; the later (Puffin) translation, “Ronja the Robber’s Daughter”, appears to be closer to the original. Largely about a girl rebelling against her political and social context, although written for children. There’s also a film/miniseries (http://imdb.com/title/tt0088015/) in Swedish; the Wikipedia article links to fansubs. Excellent music. Contains private parts in non-sexual situations.


• The Brothers Lionheart (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brothers_Lionheart) (Bröderna Lejonhjärta). Deals with the topic of death (and mostly takes place in the afterlife). A somewhat less excellent film/miniseries (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075790/) in Swedish.


• Mio, my Mio (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mio%2C_my_Mio) (Mio min Mio). A boy in Stockholm is transported to a distant land where he is a prince and, at the age of seven, has to fight an evil knight in accordance with ancient tradition, which manages to avoid being severely clichéd. Also an allegedly excellent (haven’t seen it) US/Swedish/USSR/West German/Norwegian (!) film (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093543) (English, with Swedish dub) starring Christopher Lee and Christian Bale among others.

[rosefox]

I recommend a sock full of pennies.

[nicolechan.livejournal.com]

Are you worrying about having a c-section? Did you end up having one with your daughter or did you deliver completely vaginally with the tear problems?

If it's the c-section your worrying about, even though it's not really natural, it sounds like the best option for you. I'd hate to have you substain any further damage or trauma. I have to get a c too, so I'm right there with ya.

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

Dear Ailbhe - you work so very hard at being eco-friendly and natural in all the other aspects of your life, I can truly see how your "committee" (well, it's what I call *my* voices") would be urging you to do what your rational mind knows just isn't possible. And childbirth is natural - it's just that the method by which it is usually accomplished isn't doable for so many women. And, unfortunately, the number of women doing elective c-sections have tainted the procedure for those who, like yourself, really need it.

I think hitting the voices "wivva rock" is an excellent idea - so long as it's a virtual rock.

FWIW - I think you are a wonderful mother to Linnea, and you'll be a wonderul mother to this new little one as well, no matter how s/he gets here.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

A less violent option would be to play a recording of whale song done on pan-pipes or whatever to the voices. That should be enough to scare of anything.

Ignore the voices (I know, easier said than done), you *KNOW* you only have one safe and sane option.

[firecat]

dear ailbhe's voices,

what matters is

1. getting the baby out in a healthy condition. after the baby is out, he or she can hear whale songs 24 hours a day and soak in bathtubs or pools daily.

2. getting the baby out in a way that leaves the parents in a healthy condition and ready to get on with the business of raising both an infant and a toddler. (whew!)

yrs,
firecat
born via planned caesarian at 7:00 am sharp and enjoying whale songs and pools at age 44

[rmc28]

Other people aren't you.

In having a planned c-section, you're making a rational decision based on the facts about your own body and its capabilities. While I'm all for natural childbirth where possible, that's because of the medical evidence that it's safer for low-risk pregnancies. You, to put it bluntly, have a high-risk pregnancy, and should act accordingly. (And if it turns out that I have something sufficiently risky about my own pregnancy, you bet I will have a c-section too. I won't be happy about it, but I'll have it.)

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Dear Ailbhe's Voices,

You are mean, snarly perfectionists, and you are dead wrong on this point. Bah to you.

Ailbhe needs to proceed with her planned section for her own sake, for the new baby's sake, for Rob and Linnea's sake, and for the sake of the other children she and Rob may want to have later on.

You do not get to outweigh these concerns with twisty unrealisms. The end.

Yours sincerely,
The Radzer

[ailbhe]

I delivered vaginally, with ventouse and all sorts of other intervention. It didn't seem any more natural than a c-section at the time or in hindsight.

[ailbhe]

My c-section will be an elective c-section. The only other kind is an emergency c-section. All planned sections are "elective". I think this is a terrible use of language, and that a distinction between "elective" and "planned" needs to be made, somewhere.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Yes, I was going to suggest that. I've found that asking the voices what they really want can throw up some surprising results, and that having been listened to, they are often more willing to accept that what they're saying is unintentionally harmful.

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

Using the term "elective" when there's no choice involved is a sin against the English language, if you ask me. What I meant, which I'm sure you knew, was women choosing to have a C-section because they don't want to go through labor, or because they want to pick the day and time.