Yes, But I'm Different

[ailbhe]

Other people with third degree tears go on to have vaginal deliveries in birthing pools with whale music or godknows panpipes versions of Beatles hits or whatever.

I cannot do this. More happened to me than a simple third degree tear. The damage done to me is greater than that. The problem with me having another vaginal birth isn't just that I might tear, it's that I'd have to have contractions. It's that even if I didn't tear, the muscles and nerves would be stretched again and might not spring back so briskly this time. That I'm much more likely to tear again than most because of the extent and direction of the tears I sustained last time. That the untreated element of my physical problems would cause exceptionally high levels of pain during labour, possibly causing the whole proceedings to stop entirely anyway.

Would someone please tell the voices in my head all this again, as they are not listening to me?