Current Affairs

[ailbhe]

OK, I try not to do this because I hate discussing it, but here we go. On Sue Axon's "Right to Know" bid, I said the following in a community earlier today:

I find the thought that my daughter might do this - get pregnant and have an abortion, without telling me - terrifying and upsetting. But if that's what she felt she needed to do to feel safe then that's my own damn fault for not realising something was wrong, and taking her right to feel safe away from her is not the way to solve it.

I'm crying typing this. It's a terrible, terrible thing to contemplate. But she is a person, all 18 months of her, and she has the right to feel safe. It's my job as her mother to give her all the safety I can find. Even from myself.

Even from myself.

This is too upsetting, I can't say any more.

Also, I need to write down all the stuff I have to discuss with the consultant on Monday. And we have no printer. Gah. I am finding it very very hard to think about, also. I would greatly appreciate other people telling me what they remember me wanting to talk about.

And if we could do something to my fear-and-guilt reaction every time the phone rings, that would be good too.

Comments

[megabitch.livejournal.com]

I am legally and morally responsible for my children until they are adults. I am responsible for their health and well-being among many other things. If they don't go to school, I can be fined (and possibly imprisoned). If they don't eat properly, I can be charged with neglect. If they damage property (and the police do their jobs properly) I am liable. If they are ill and I don't get them appropriate medical care, I can (again) be charged with neglect and probably child-abuse. If they start taking drugs, society will look at me and deem me a "bad mother". If they are unsociable in anyway, it will be deemed (by society, the media and the government) to be my fault.

If my daughter gets pregnant at a young age (which, again, society will deem my fault), I expect she will tell me - we have that sort of relationship. I can think of no better wish for any parent than to hope that they have such a relationship with their own child - no matter how much she winds me up at times.

But, in view of all of the above, I fully support the "Right to Know" case. Society can't have it both ways. Either I am fully responsible for my children until they are adults, and thus with that responsibility comes a right to know everything I deem necessary to do my job as a parent - or I am not responsible for them at all and should be treated like a mushroom. You can't have it both ways.

[mrs-warwick.livejournal.com]

Exactly my view.

[korenwolf.livejournal.com]

Unsurprisingly, "what she said"

[naath.livejournal.com]

Yes, but if your child thinks (not *your* child maybe, but some child) "Mum would throw me out of the house if I had an abortion and she knew, so I won't tell her" then you would find out that she was pregnant *after* it is too late to get one. I mean, if I were too scared to say 'mum I'm pregnant, I'm getting an abortion' then I'd be too scared to say 'mum I'm pregnant, I'm having the baby' *aswell*. And then you have *zero* ability to do *anything* about the issue because time has made the decision for your daughter.


ALSO

Some parents are wonderfull caring people, this is a Good Thing. A small minority of parents would cause active harm to their child if they became pregnant and the child would, in such a case, clearly be better off seeking an abortion by themselves than telling their parents.

This change to the law will help no-one - if your child loves and trusts you then they will tell *anyway*, if they don't then they will likely be too scared to ask and it is likely that there is a *reason* why the child is scared to tell. It will result in more young girls having babies that they don't want, more young girls being thrown out of their parent's houses for getting pregnant or for wanting to have an abortion... I don't see why it helps *you* (the good parent) OR Them (the bad parents) in any way.

ALSO

I agree with you - society should not make you responsible for your child's actions (thus removing the double standard that currently exists and is pathetic).

Your child is not your property to do with as you like, s/he is a *person*, capable of making zir *own decisions* and *living with the consequences*. People should stop treating children as if they were completely helpless for years and years after the child has ceased to actually *be* helpless.

[korenwolf.livejournal.com]

I agree with you - society should not make you responsible for your child's actions (thus removing the double standard that currently exists and is pathetic).

The problem there is it removes any level of responsibility parents have for their children and pushes further down the road we're already treading very heavily where nothing is anyone's fault, children should have lots and lots of rights but without the balancing responsibilities etc etc etc.

I am happy to be responsible for my children (those of you who know me and the actual family setup know exactly what that means beyond the bare words), as a parent it is my job to ensure that they are fed, clothed, educated, injuries and health issues are dealt with, they are brought up with an idea of what it means to be a member of society and to work within society rather than being self centered and expecting the world to serve them.

It means protecting them from harm, it also means stopping them from harming others (had to do both).

It means being responsible for the life you have brought into the world until it is ready to survive on it's own without making too many mistakes. We learn from our mistakes but there is no value in making serious mistakes with permanent consequences without support at too early an age. That way lies personality changes which will be with you for life.

That is what being a parent means.

It does not mean cutting all the strings and letting the child run free without control just because it's fashionable. Children are people, however they are people who have not reached the legal age where they can function on their own (let's be honest most people don't actually function completely on their own for years after they've hit legal majority).

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

This is my view, too.

Child to adult isn't a clear cut division

[wave-zyxt.livejournal.com]

I am legally and morally responsible for all sorts of things that aren't entirely within my control. I can't be thrilled about this, because I like being in control of things that affect me, but I would be even less thrilled about relinquishing all responsibilities completely, or having complete and absolute control over every aspect of my life. In that sense, 'they' very much *can* have it both ways, and do.