In case you're wondering why Rob and I are tired and miserable

[ailbhe]

Timeline:

April 2004: Most of it in early labour, with painful, frequent (every 10-20 minutes) contractions. Rob went to work every day not knowing whether I'd still be pregnant when he came home. Also, we had houseguests the entire month.

May 2004: Most of it with a newborn, gradually becoming aware that my injuries were far worse than we'd initially supposed, and were in fact getting worse every time I walked or used the toilet - and Rob had to go into the office to work more often, and our helping friends and relations were running out.

June 2004: First postnatal appointment with a gynaecologist, who refers me to another gynaecologist.

July 2004: Linnea has sleep apnoea - that is, she stops breathing. Repeatedly. And I stop sleeping for a week.

August 2004: We go on marathon two-week "holiday" to Ireland, visiting hordes of friends and relations in a heady, exhausting, draining rush. We get three days in the middle to rest in one place. Also, the Discworld Convention. Also, I collapse with pain in Sainsburys and am brought to hospital in an ambulance.

September 2004: We visit relations in Sweden, including Mormor Greta. I see the gynaecologist, who tells us I'm much more seriously injured than we'd guessed and that he can't operate until I finish a course of HRT. Mormor Greta dies. I am also prescribed proper pain relief, after months over overdosing on OTC ones.

October 2004: Appointment with colo-rectal specialist, who casts yet more gloom over my potential recovery. Mormor's funeral, which I am almost too ill for Rob to attend - we get my mother to come and care for me instead.

November 2004: Nothing happened! Oh my ME. Except that I continued to have flashbacks and panic attacks and my tear continued to tear larger.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ailbhe/211778.html

December 2004: Perineal reconstruction and rectal exam under general anaesthetic. Overnight hospital stay. Extremely traumatic for everyone. First Christmas "alone" included travelling to London late on Christmas Eve to meet in-laws, and having them visit us on Boxing Day. Christmas Day itself was spent resting and preparing for the visit.

January 2005: Codeine withdrawal: diarrhoea, nausea, headaches, hallucinations, blackouts. Meeting with a female gynaecologist about birth trauma.

February 2005: We all got a nasty stomach bug.

March 2005: Linnea reliably soaked every nappy every night; we had to change all her clothes and bedding at least once a night. The laundry was incredible. She also learned to remove nappies while weeing, from under her clothes, even if her top-clothes fastened at the crotch.

Rob's parents' neighbour was stunningly insensitive: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ailbhe/230453.html

We also had uninvited houseguests.

April 2005: Linnea's birthday; a month of flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks. But we started with a glorious weekend in Paris. I walked home in the rain one day and wet myself because I still wasn't properly continent and the rain was just too much. And Emmer on the Archers had her baby and set off a string of misery and flashbacks. Linnea shut her fingers in the VCR and pressed play.

May 2005: I got a chest infection - pretty serious - and Linnea and Rob got conjunctivitis. The infection lasted a full month and was resistant to the first kind of antibiotic. The second kind resulted in an allergic reaction and a midnight ambulance visit.

June 2005: I discovered that my passport photo had been stolen from my website and used in a commercially produced computer game, at least twice, without my knowledge or consent. I emailed the company but heard nothing back. I was too tired and ill to do anything about it. My GP went on maternity leave and I couldn't find a sympathetic female replacement.

I also travelled to Dublin on the train and ferry, with Rob and Linnea, to attend a wedding. Our chauffeur-driven car arrived on time, but the driver got lost and had no map, so we were very, very late for the ceremony. The wedding was that of my very oldest and most enduring friend.

July 2005: Rob and I had a lovely 10-day holiday with my mother. Then I spent a week in a house with three toddlers, four adults, and a baby. None of the adults are on particularly friendly terms, none of the toddlers are sleeping well, Linnea in particular never managed more than 8 hours in one night that week.

Then we went to CCDE.

August 2005: Exam under general anaesthetic and follow-up appointment to say it's irreparable; I am placed on 6-month waiting list for pain management clinic. Rob's parents' car is in a minor stationary accident outside our house.

September 2005: I aggressively chased an appointment with a gynaecologist, and got one for October. I had to go through the whole birth experience in detail with the Patient Advice and Liaison people. Linnea's sleep began to deteriorate very seriously.

October 2005: It's only just started - but we've started with a blazing row due to sleep deprivation. And Rob got a diagnosis of depression. And was made redundant. And I have an appointment at the hospital with someone who is going to do a manual exam of my genitals.

So.

Comments

[niallm.livejournal.com]

It can be good to write these things down!

[radegund.livejournal.com]

*support*

[ailbhe]

Isn't it insane that neither of us has gone postal?

[pauamma]

IMHO, it's not (assuming you mean insane in its mental health acception). It's admirable that neither of you went insane, though.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Meep.

*hugs* & *support*

Is Rob seeing the same GP as you? It might help in getting the NHS to do some "joined-up thinking" [(C) New Labour 2004]. I'm suspecting that his depression is caused almost entirely by your injury and the effects it's having on your family life.

The whole thing is so frustrating even from here. Please, I would love to throw money at the problem to try to make it go away. I know if Rob has been made redundant then going privately seems like even more of a frivolous expense, but I just want something to improve for you, and luck doesn't seem to be enough.

[djelibeybi.livejournal.com]

That's one hell of a time you've been having.
Writing it down helps and, hopefully, you can see for yourself that what you're going through is not unreasonable in these circumstances.

If wishes were horses, all men would ride. Or in other words, my best wishes for you all.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

what meg said. i am thinking good thoughts for you all, and wishing there was something more practical that i could do.

[tassie-gal.livejournal.com]

Oh my! I have the utmost admiration for you and Rob for wading through all that and not killing each other, random passerby etc. You dont know me but I am sending lots of good happy thoughts your way....you need em more than I do!

[sinboy.livejournal.com]

*sympathy*

Feel free to talk to me if you want to vent, wail, or just bullshit about nothing.

[rosefox]

Yes, what he said.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

That certainly puts my Post Natal Depression into context. I was also jolted out of wanting to commit suicide by seeing someon about to do that last night. I won't go there with my thought again.

*hugs* You & Rob are very strong to stay together through all of this.

[microgirl.livejournal.com]

As a complete stranger who only came here a month or two ago via friendsfriends, having heard much of you from puritybrown (who I've known IRL about 4 years) this post is very educational and explains a lot of, well, the background to the fascinating posts I've been reading for the last couple of months.

I never knew what happened regarding the pregnancy (and reading the posts of the last month or so of the pregnancy didn't illuminate much except to explain that it had been a long, painful labour) and so never understood why you were having such a hard time of it, or found it so difficult to cope at times - I mean, I figured it had to be something, because your posts don't have the slightest flavour of exaggeration or attention-seeking. I just didn't know what it was.

What this post tells me is that all in all it's been pretty damned horrific. And I am so awed at yourself and Rob working so hard at keeping everything together. With as much trauma (phyiscal, mental and emotional) as has been entailed, that's not easy, and you both deserve everything good that the world can offer you.

I hope this comment from a stranger doesn't offend you, and I hope you don't mind me reading your journal.

[ailbhe]

Pregnancy was great! It was the end of it that was so awful Generally, I adored being pregnant. I loved the way I felt, I loved the way I looked. I can't wait to do it again!

Labour was horrific, and the aftermath is awful. But pregnancy was great.

And I don't honestly care who reads my journal - it's *public*. I care sometimes when people *don't* read it, though. Have you read any of the pomes I wrote since Linnea was born? lnc

[microgirl.livejournal.com]

No, I've never actually made my way there. Shameful really. The ones you put up here are intimidating enough as it is ;)

(That's a roundabout way of saying they're really very good :) )

And of course have belatedly remembered that we have several mutual friends-and-acquaintances in addition to Kathy, natural20 being foremost among them, but also sshi and others I've probably forgotten/am not aware of.