How to be a bad parent

[ailbhe]

It's very, very easy to be a bad parent. Especially if you're a woman. Especially if you're a mother. Especially if you're a birth mother. Because that's the kind of bad parent I'm being, and if I can, anyone can! I should know; I've read a lot of how-to books.

Do you breastfeed? Yes? You're creating a dependent child, a rod for your own back, a needy person. No? You're a neglectful mother, failing to give your baby the best start in life - after all, even adoptive mothers can lactate and breastfeed, if they only try hard enough.

Do you use a pacifier / soother / dummy? You're creating a dependent child (see above).

Does your child sleep in a cot? Abandonment! In your bed? Neediness and possibly even cot death.

Do you carry your child around during the day? Maybe even in a sling? Backache, neediness, dependence, and inhibiting development by not letting them learn to play on their own. Do you leave your child to play alone, possibly even in a playpen, while you go to the toilet or cook dinner? Abandonment, neglect, child abuse!

Cloth nappies and disposables both reliably cause more nappy rash than each other.

Your child is wearing too many or too few clothes.

Your child has too many or too few baths, and you're using too much soap and drying out the skin, or not enough and risking infection.

Your child is exposed to too many or too few other children, encouraging aggression either through too little socialisation, or through too much competition. Also, infections - too many or too few, depending on what the top theory is right now.

I refuse to cover vaccinations in this list. I am Not Going There.

Your child has too many or too few regular caregivers, either developing too many strong attachments or losing stability and continuity.

Your child is eating all the wrong things, and at all the wrong times. Trust me on this.

And if you breastfeed, you don't have enough milk unless your child is sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and going at least 4 hours between feeds during the day.

Hmph. Books.

Comments

[lovingboth]

Ah, yes. Extendable to "A parent's place..." too, even if I didn't get nearly as many "you're doing this wrong" comments during the six months of full-time parenting.