Witty Ripostes, or, Things I Wish I'd Said At The Time

[ailbhe]

You're not still feeding her, are you?
No, I let her forage for her own food now. [Thanks, bopeepsheep]

She needs a hat! Why doesn't she have a hat?
Augh! no hat! I am a failure! Here, you take her! I'm unfit to be a mother! Oh nooooooo!

I'd never tell anyone how to raise their child, but...
You're going to anyway, yeah?

I couldn't bear to just look after my baby all day! How awful! How boring!
Yeah, well, my baby is good company.

Oh, you don't work?
[There is no witty riposte to this. The only reasonable response is homicide, which is irresponsible in someone who is a child's primary caretaker.]

Gosh, it must be nice, doing nothing all day.
It is.[No other response to this has the slightest effect in actually changing people's opinions. This one at least might make them jealous.]

When are you going to stop feeding her?
When are you going to stop eating?

Breastfed babies don't grow so well.
Good.

She'll grow up clingy and needy.
Just like me!

You shouldn't let her play with that.
Didn't your mother ever tell you that you shouldn't talk to strangers.