Witty Ripostes, or, Things I Wish I'd Said At The Time

[ailbhe]

You're not still feeding her, are you?
No, I let her forage for her own food now. [Thanks, bopeepsheep]

She needs a hat! Why doesn't she have a hat?
Augh! no hat! I am a failure! Here, you take her! I'm unfit to be a mother! Oh nooooooo!

I'd never tell anyone how to raise their child, but...
You're going to anyway, yeah?

I couldn't bear to just look after my baby all day! How awful! How boring!
Yeah, well, my baby is good company.

Oh, you don't work?
[There is no witty riposte to this. The only reasonable response is homicide, which is irresponsible in someone who is a child's primary caretaker.]

Gosh, it must be nice, doing nothing all day.
It is.[No other response to this has the slightest effect in actually changing people's opinions. This one at least might make them jealous.]

When are you going to stop feeding her?
When are you going to stop eating?

Breastfed babies don't grow so well.
Good.

She'll grow up clingy and needy.
Just like me!

You shouldn't let her play with that.
Didn't your mother ever tell you that you shouldn't talk to strangers.

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

People actually say this stuff? Please tell me that they are at least aquainted with you, and not perfect strangers on the street.

Sheesh.

And the "Oh, you don't work"? I will help do the fundraising for your bail money and defense after you kill that person.

[wingedkami.livejournal.com]

Apparently they do, and it is perfect strangers on the street.

http://www.lonecat.org/diary/index.php?id=321 has some comments on the subject, although the post linked from it seems to have vanished.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

They really do, and it's generally people one has never seen before in one's life.

[krabbe.livejournal.com]

Oh, you don't work?

From German TV advertising for some product that I can't remember:
I run a highly successful family enterprise.

[totkat.livejournal.com]

Breastfed babies don't grow so well? I thought they grew better!

[ailbhe]

Especially in the early staged, formula fed babies tend to be fatter, which is linked with "healthier" in many people's minds.

Breastfed babies grow *healthier*, but not necessarily *larger*.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I agree totally. Holly has podged since deciding herself to swicth to bottles & therefore formula. I preferred her skinnier.

[grmbledook.livejournal.com]

For the "Oh, you don't work?" my personal favourite is ...

"Well ... sort of ... but we are not allowed to call it work otherwise the Government will completely lose this battle with the EU about the number of hours a week a person can work!"

[oldbloke.livejournal.com]

You can get somebody terminated for a remarkably small amount of money these days.

[firecat]

She needs a hat! Why doesn't she have a hat?

The Queen borrowed it.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

camilla! camilla borrowed it!

Re: Witty Ripostes, or, Things I Wish I'd Said At The Time

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

Oh, you don't work?

right. taking care of a baby means i can lie on the couch and eat bonbons all day.

Gosh, it must be nice, doing nothing all day.

so i've heard. how do you like it?

the world is full of fucktards. you might yet be able to deliver your faves!

[pne.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting these!

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Excuse me, for I am about to swear.

FOR FUCK'S SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!

...

*adjusts hair, wipes froth from mouth*

Ahem. That's better.

But really. I mean, really.

(I chuckled mightily at "Augh! No hat!", though.)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Definitely you should sell this one to a parenting magazine :) Might be a good little earner, selling all your worthy lj entries as articles ;)