Ooops, here I go again...

[ailbhe]

I'm Ailbhe, and I'm not coping.

Hi, Ailbhe.

Yesterday evening's episode of The Archers included a labour and birth scene. The Archers was on at 19:00, and I finally got to bed, shaking and sniffling, at about 4 am when Linnea woke for a feed. In the middle, sometime around 2 am, there was a big meltdown, with me crying all over every online forum I could think of, because I had enough sanity left to know that I couldn't wake Rob without waking Linnea, and anyway, if Rob got enough sleep today would be easier.

Thanks, folks. Being talked through calm breathing, sharing a glass of port with someone at the end of a bunch of electrons, and having people tell me all about their housework routines really helped.

Today went rather better, but I am still crying a lot. It's probably partially because I'm overdue a period, and partially because of Linnea's birthday, coming soon to a 30th April near you. The plan is to overwrite all the icky memories with nice ones this year, so that next year is unmixed delight and rapture, cavorting in spring meadows and gambolling in seasonal-for-the-UK snow (unseasonal spring snow is season weather here; I don't know why it surprises people so much).

Of course, bidding on comfy nursing bras on Ebay helps too.

Comments

[ai731.livejournal.com]

*HUG*

I'm really looking forward to seeing all three of you in July. I'll let you know precise dates as soon as we have them.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Ack. I'm not surprised that was triggering for you. It would be much the same as a victim of a violent crime seeing a mugging on TV, or someone who had been sexually assaulted reading about a rape in the newspaper.

If you want to talk about it: Is the Archers something you generally listen to? What did you feel when you heard there was going to be a birth scene on? Did you want to turn it off, or did you feel the need to hear out the whole thing (testing your ability to cope), or did you kinda go numb and not have a choice what to do?

*hugs* anyway. And, if it helps, I'm usually still awake at 2am. Though not usually online (my phone number is linked in my userinfo).

[ailbhe]

I'm hoping to reach the same stage as I have about sexual assault in the media, but that's not why I listened to it - I didn't think it would be a trigger, just wanted to know What Happened, because I do follow the Archers. We all have our little vices, after all.

And I tend to follow these things through, because my imagination can top what the media can churn out 9 times out of 10, and I'd rather go woth the less traumatic version. That's why I listened to Natalia Imbruglio (sp?) on Women's Hour this morning, talking about women in Africa who had my kind of birth experience only without medical intervention - the whole being alienated from society for being incontinent thing. But I did call Rob to hold me through that one.

And I'm in a constant state of terror waiting to hear what happens to Rivka. I want her birth to be over so that I can hear she's fine.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

*big big hugs*

[random-c.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

I have no words except for *hugs*\

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

*hugs* from me too.

I hope you don't mind that I friended you (it's Helen P, Felicity's mum). I have been reading your journal for ages and recently got sucked in to the world of lj...

Take care of yourself x

[marlespo.livejournal.com]

Offering you massive hugs as well. I completely understand the trigger thing, and can only offer you deep, deep sympathy for what you are going through.

[mamru25.livejournal.com]

I understand the triggers that you are talking about. My son is 10 days older than your daughter-was 9 days overdue, gave birth by emergency c-section.

My husband and I were in a very traumatic car accident nearly 3 years ago. It took almost 1 1/2 yrs to get to the point to not have a breakdown. If you want to know more, just ask.

So I can understand seeing things on tv triggering unwanted emotions. My worst triggers were flashing lights, even a light bulb about ready to burn out, speed bumps in parking lots, and sirens. One trigger that caught me by surprise(two months after accident) was hearing a group of teenagers talking about going to a party and drinking.

If I may make a suggestion, one thing I found that worked for me, was writing everything down about that experience like I was going to give a speech on that experience. Pretend that you are speaking to a group of people. Do this over and over, if you are comfortable with this approach, until you are more at ease over your experience.

PS Still writing my birth experience for birth recovery.

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*, if wanted.

Here to listen, if you want to talk.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

:( Sorry I was away from my desk when you IMed me earlier. It's been a while! I had gotten called off to move some workstations around.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Not anywhere near the same I know, but I had a bad day last Wednesday for no apparent reason. It seemed worse than before as I'd got used to feeling fine.

I have 5, 38 C nursing bras if they're the right size for you? Worn for 12 weeks & in VGC.

Nursing bras

[ailbhe]

I'm a 36C and buying almost exclusively Bravado bras. However, it might be an idea to Ebay them - as a batch they would probably net you a handbagsworth or at least a couple of summer dresses for babas.

Re: Nursing bras

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I was going to ebay them, just thought I'd post them to you if theye were the right size :) I have no summer 6-9 or 9-12 month clothes at all for Holly (though mum bought her some from Asda last week) so am going to sell some things in eBay to fund Holly's summer wardrobe :)

[radegund.livejournal.com]

More hugs from over here. You are incredibly strong, and it's OK to have meltdowns every so often.

(We're just back from our lovely holiday; I'm starting the loooong LJ catch-up...)

"...and it's OK to have meltdowns every so often"

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

damned right it is. people who don't - the classical "stiff upper lipped" brit, for example - when they go, it's typically for a catastrophic breakdown, from which they may never be able to pick up the pieces without professional help.

ailbhe, you are coping - rather amazingly well, imnsho (though ianaqtc *g*) - and you can see one of the best yardsticks of this, every time you look at your little wonder *vbg* - if you were not, would she be doing half so well? [1]

[1] - "i like rhetorical questions - i usually get them right" - joann l. dominik on alt.fan.pratchett