Thinking about rape

[ailbhe]

After finishing the grocery shopping today I came home and had a cup of tea and read a few things online, including the following two posts:

http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/08/why-not.html

... and now I just want to mention what I was thinking as I walked to and from the market. I went the shortest route, in one official entrance to the local train station, over the bridge, and out the other official way. The latter way is a pleasant, shady, tree-lined path, with bushes all down the railway embankment to the tracks, and a fence and wall on the other side, higher than my head. There are two slight corners so you can't always see the whole way along the path - depends on the thickness of the leaves. It's very quiet, and pleasant, and lovely in summer, and Rob and I were delighted to discover that it's a much quicker, shorter way to get to the market than our usual routes.

Today I did it with Emer, and the buggy, because she wanted to come with me. And as we approached the path I automatically thought "I'll get her out of the buggy, so that if anyone attacks me she can run away, she can run back to the woman waiting on the bench, and if they don't have her I can fight, I wonder will she run if I tell her to or will she wait for me, if she's frightened she might freeze, maybe she'll just run," and then we were out of the blind spot and the shade and could see the road and passing cars and things again. She enjoyed her walk and picked up two leaves, and we sang some songs, too.

On the way home I took her out of the buggy and unfastened the straps at the front of my rucksack so that I could get it off if I needed to run or fight.

I haven't been raped for many years now. But I know now that I could fight - and that I might hurt my children thereby.

Damn.

Comments

[ex_beautyofgr925]

I just wanted to tell you thank you for sharing those two links. I spent a lot of time on them last night. As depressing as it is, I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.

I am the lone guardian of my three young boys, and I think that I live a pretty paranoid life, especially at night time. I live on a corner lot, with an apartment complex behind my house... and so we get a fair number of walkers. I remember late one night (just after midnight), I was walking around my front lawn talking on the phone to a friend. (It was a nice night.) It became apparent that the man who walked by my house the first time was watching me carefully and sizing me up, as he turned to walk by again more slowly, and gave me a stare that made my blood run cold. And there I was, in my front yard, where I should feel safe, right? But this has happened more than once (with more than one man). Thankfully our neighborhood is patrolled, and I've even watched a police officer stop and question a man for such (this man had walked up the same stretch of street eyeing my house and me with the children in the yard about 6 or 7 times).

I don't want to be paranoid. I don't want to assume that every man is a boogeyman out to get me. But then I think about the statistics. I was in an abusive marriage for a long time. Sometimes I like to pretend that perhaps that protects me from further "bad luck" in my life. (Silly, I know.) But sometimes I sit and panic and think about what I would do if someone broke into the house at night - how would I protect my children, and what could I do to prevent myself from being raped or shot or killed?

I intend to pass on these links, and I think I may write up something more polished for my public blog. Do you mind if I give credit to you (here on DW) for leading me to the links, if I do so?

[ailbhe]

I don't need credit but have no objection to it!

I would like to point out that I felt no particular *fear* - I would describe it more as awareness, preparedness.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

I'd go through all that too, especially where you were.

But it wouldn't just be about rape.

It would simply be about being attacked at all.

I'd never have the buggy strapped, anywhere near a river. In case we were attacked, and the buggy was pushed in.

It's just basic survival.

If you grew up where I grew up....

Rape wouldn't be the first thought to protect against. "knife" would be, and is, my first thought.

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

I do this too. Adam is nearly 5 foot tall now and 10 in a few weeks, but I still worry about one or the other of us being attacked.