"Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy..."

[ailbhe]

I have a little list of people I'd like to get to know better. Trouble seems to be, I don't deal well with "group > 3 people" situations, and it's not really Done to set up tiny meetings of people one doesn't really know in order to get to know them better (sudden thought - it's ok for people who are Dating, but not for people who want friends. Whyso?).

Also in addition as well, I find it difficult to talk to people I admire greatly; I invest a lot in their opinion of me and am often afraid, in real life, of doing or saying anything which might tarnish their opinion. I get upset when their feet of clay show up, too.

I'll think about this more later. Wanted to get it out there.

Comments

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

You can try inviting them for dinner. Or just tell them "we're heading to

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You can try inviting them for dinner. Or just tell them "we're heading to <event|place>, would you like to come along?".

Not sure how well those will work, since I think they're probably very circumstance dependent. But I think most people really like being invited to dinner.

The difficulty is...

[ailbhe]

... "would you like to come along alone, or at most with one other person?"

Dinner chez moi would probably do, actually, and I'll think hard about that.

Re: The difficulty is...

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

Most people won't presume to bring more than one person with them. Unless they're in very serious poly relationship, which is always a possibility if you're near Cambridge. :)

I tend not to expect other guests if I'm invited for dinner, but I don't know if that's accurate or not.

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

Yah. Also, I think it actually *is* Done, to invite someone for tea or to lunch or someso. "What do you say we go to such-and-such for a bite on Thursday?" And if they interpret it as a date, you can be pretty clear during the encounter that it isn't one, yes? Or maybe. Or something. Anyway.

getting to know you

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

it isn't Done? darn, why didn't anybody tell me. that's how i get to know most people. i'll ask them whether they'd like to join me for some activity; usually i pick something in which they've shown some prior interest. since i am interested in just about anything if somebody else is enthusiastic about it, that's pretty easy for me. i tend not to have this confused with a "date" because i am pretty outspoken about not dating. :)

i've also come right out and said "i'd like to get to know you better because there is all this cool stuff i know about you and i think we could be friends. would you be interested in that?" and i don't have problems anymore admitting when something is awkward -- it actually tends to be an ice breaker because lots of people find this sort of thing awkward and wonder how to go about it.

[aegidian]

Lunch is always a good time to meet individuals for GTKY conversations.

"Let's do lunch, baby."

[ailbhe]

Lunch is appropriately casual and non-date-like, yes. I shall consider.

A.
who doesn't live or work in the large capital city where most of the people she's thinking of live and/or work.

Re: "Let's do lunch, baby."

[aegidian]

Reading's what? A 30 minute train ride, maybe one can be persuaded to make it out to Reading to lunch, especially after the parsimonious part of the month is past.

[mikz.livejournal.com]

Why not invite your group to your place some time? Half of them probably won't turn up, so you'll be able to get to know at least some of them in a setting that you're comfortable with.