Managing Money

[ailbhe]

Some people are good at it, some people are ok as long as there's plenty of money, and some people are dreadful at it. I have never really worked out what makes people so. I know people from poor backgrounds and wealthy backgrounds in all categories, as well as people from varying degrees of comfortable backgrounds.

Some people seem to learn to manage money by living in fear of poverty (raises hand) and some people seem to learn by good example (raises hand) and some people seem to learn by being involved in the financial planning and management of their families as they grow up (like good example but more hands-on) (raises hand again) and most people probably have some combination of all three going on.

But the part I can't work out is what makes people who know what bad management does, up to a point (a point between stress and hunger, say) nonetheless continue to manage badly. What do Groups A, B and C learn which group D can't seem to? Let's not assume that group D are delusional, or want to rely on other people in their lives to pick up the pieces - let's assume that their desire and intention is to be able to spend only 252 pence in the guinea and not forever hanker after the half-a-crown that isn't there.

Comments

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

Money isn't money in that equation - it's emotion. And the emotion of feeling you have a lot more of it than you do, is a stronger emotional pull than the fear of being hungry and evicted.

The needs being met by spending the money that doesn't exist, are more overwhelming than the other needs.

[redshira.livejournal.com]

This is a very good explanation, thank you. I never understood properly before; I know the urge to buy stuff you don't truly need with money you don't actually have, but it's never overwhelmed me and I never figured out how people could know it was a bad, bad plan and still do it anyway. This makes it make sense.

[ailbhe]

I wonder how many people who've been hungry do that?

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

Very few sane ones. However, it can kick in with mental health issues.

I was starved, in this situation, by my previous partner, who was seriously bonkers. He was getting more food than me, most of the time, as he was able to leave the bedsit we were living (I wasn't allowed to do so) but he still ended up with no food for substantial periods of time, with me, when his craziness meant it was all gone.

Interestingly, we never came to losing the bedsit, as the rent was always paid. But then, if we'd lost that, he'd have lost control of me.

Of course, running out of money for food wouldn't exist, as there is always more ways to find food. Most people in dire financial straits, can get fed by friends, especially if they are complaining they are in dire financial problems...

But yes. As soon as you posted, I identified in my head, the ones who play fast and loose, and get into trouble a lot... when they do actually have enough to live on... as people who have never known what it is to be hungry. They 'play' at being in trouble, really, as they are always managing to find a way out, usually their well off family.

Real hunger, is a very sharp reality check. Quite a few people I know would benefit from a slight acquaintance with it. Focuses the mind somewhat. Hunger and cold, as they usually go hand in hand.

[glitzfrau.livejournal.com]

This, this is wisdom. I think this applies to most self-destructive behaviours: the emotional high and sense of control or comfort that we get out of drinking way too much, engaging in abusive relationships, flaking out of really important commitments, are stronger than the emotional high of acting wisely. Possibly, in some cases, because the emotional high of acting wisely is utterly unfamiliar, but possibly for other reasons. Or, as someone else wise said, destructive behaviours are adaptive behaviours for which the situation to which they were appropriate no longer exists.