Line in the sand

[ailbhe]

I've decided that I am just not going to accept "hitting children" or "physically assaulting children" as something grownups can't help doing. If I'm losing my temper that badly, I need help. I have a list of excuses, reasons or triggers as long as anyone's arm, but that doesn't make it ok, and I am allowed to insist that no-one persuade me that it's actually ok to hit children sometimes.

I really, really don't want them to grow up thinking it's ok to hit children "if you're cross enough" or something. I don't want them to fight the same urge to hurt I have to fight.

Also, I want everyone to breathe properly so I can get some sleep, please.

Comments

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Good for you. I made a similar decision a few months ago when I ruled out spanking even in extreme situations because I could not honestly explain to them that it wasn't OK for them to hit, but it was OK for me to. So I called the family together and told them I was taking spanking off the table, and I was sorry I hadn't made that decision earlier.

I can't say I've never hit one of my kids since then. But it wasn't OK the time I did, and I said so, and apologized, and I continue working on it. I admire you for working on it too. It's not always easy, but I'm increasingly certain it's the right way.

As a side effect which tells me I'm on the right path, my kids, while they still argue incessantly, don't hit each other nearly as often as they used to.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

I should add that I said, and absolutely meant, that I admire you for working on it, because in some ways the hard part isn't refraining from doing wrong. The hard part is doing wrong, knowing it's wrong, and living with the knowledge that one has done wrong without trying to justify it. You're doing that, and you're trying to stop the hitting, and that's a valuable lesson for your children itself, since whether or not they make the same mistakes you do, they'll inevitably make their own mistakes, and do wrongs they have to live with. Congratulations on facing your own wrongs honestly and unflinchingly -- and please try to give yourself as much praise for that as you are giving yourself blame for hitting. You've earned it.