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Jan. 5th, 2011 12:16 amhelp
Jan. 5th, 2011
I am not going to die when any rational assessment of my life shows that it is awesome and on the brink of being the most awesome it could ever be, and only going to get more awesome.
So would the voices in my hindbrain please, please shut up.
So would the voices in my hindbrain please, please shut up.
I still feel dreadful. I'm going to try eating something and hope that helps.
Edit 08:00: cleared dry laundry from rack, hung three loads of wet laundry, made porridge with sweet preserved cherries, eating now. Hope it helps. Went to sleep feeling almost ok, woke up s-word again less than five hours later.
Edit 08:00: cleared dry laundry from rack, hung three loads of wet laundry, made porridge with sweet preserved cherries, eating now. Hope it helps. Went to sleep feeling almost ok, woke up s-word again less than five hours later.
Some wonderful things happened today.
Jan. 5th, 2011 07:54 pmI'm still s******* - I think it's ten days now, with three days of serious problems? - but good things happened today.
I ate porridge with preserved sweet cherries for breakfast, and shortly afterwards, I felt sleepy. And I went to sleep. I actually felt sleepy. Sleep was nice.
After I woke up, I felt hungry. Not "I felt faint and remembered I hadn't eaten for hours," but I felt hungry, in my tummy.
So I cooked all the bacon in the house - it was about to go out of date - and fried a couple of eggs in the bacon fat (Linnea doesn't eat eggs these days) and heated up some tinned beans. And we had lunch, which I finished off with a couple of clementines. Then I felt tired and sleepy again, and I think I spoke to Rob, and he got someone to come over so that I could sleep.
I didn't actually sleep that time but I got some valuable rest, with Astrid sleeping beside me.
And then I was hungry again.
I've had no panic attacks at all. I've had s******* thoughts, and Rob is going to get rid of the huge pile of paracetamol tablets he has on his bedside table, because uh-uh, no way, and he came home earlyish because he was a bit worried about me, so I also feel a bit more looked-after.
And three friends phoned me, and one got off the phone as soon as she realised I was getting sleep without me having to explain or anything, and one is coming over tomorrow morning, and one came over today. I love my friends.
I ate porridge with preserved sweet cherries for breakfast, and shortly afterwards, I felt sleepy. And I went to sleep. I actually felt sleepy. Sleep was nice.
After I woke up, I felt hungry. Not "I felt faint and remembered I hadn't eaten for hours," but I felt hungry, in my tummy.
So I cooked all the bacon in the house - it was about to go out of date - and fried a couple of eggs in the bacon fat (Linnea doesn't eat eggs these days) and heated up some tinned beans. And we had lunch, which I finished off with a couple of clementines. Then I felt tired and sleepy again, and I think I spoke to Rob, and he got someone to come over so that I could sleep.
I didn't actually sleep that time but I got some valuable rest, with Astrid sleeping beside me.
And then I was hungry again.
I've had no panic attacks at all. I've had s******* thoughts, and Rob is going to get rid of the huge pile of paracetamol tablets he has on his bedside table, because uh-uh, no way, and he came home earlyish because he was a bit worried about me, so I also feel a bit more looked-after.
And three friends phoned me, and one got off the phone as soon as she realised I was getting sleep without me having to explain or anything, and one is coming over tomorrow morning, and one came over today. I love my friends.