O

O is for the shape of my belly as seen from the side. Ovary, Ovum, Ovulate, other round, fertile words... I feel very round and fertile these days. Must take ovoid pictures sometime soon.

Ordinary is a dream of mine. I'd like everything to be ordinary, at least long enough that I can work out what "ordinarily" ought to mean in my life. There's another one -

Ought ought to be banned. I don't like anyone telling me what I ought or should do. It's almost always based on flawed thinking, such as that I'm not capable of making my own decisions. I far prefer to be asked whether I've thought of a specific option in a tone which does not imply that I've been particularly obtuse not to have chosen it.

Options are things which often appear mandatory. I could, for example, choose not to follow medical advice, risking my life and as a result the wellbeing of my family. I could choose not to follow Linnea's cues when parenting, which I am sure would make me far tireder, since she's very easy to deal with on her own terms. I see a lot of false choices in my life, and find it difficult to identify true choices more complex than "shall I have Earl Grey or Jasmine tea?"

Olfactory: something I didn't really know about when I smoked, though I could at one point identify several brands of cigarette or coffee by smell alone. I can't do that any longer, but I now know what a blackberry smells like, and can tell with my nose whether it's been raining, and useful things like that. We have jasmine in the back garden and it will soon start to waft in the bathroom window while I'm washing in the mornings; now that's a lovely way to start the day.

K

Kindness is much underrated. One of my favourite people became so because she is kind. Her other characteristics are much less interesting, really; she's intelligent, but not strikingly so. She's amusing, but not strikingly so. She's able to converse on a range of topics, but no more than most reasonably socialised females, and less than a number of antisocial females of my acquaintance.

But she is unfailingly kind, and I have been trying to be more like her in that respect for over three years now. I hope to get there one day.

Kindergarten is something that sounds lovely but I suspect would not suit Linnea in practice. A garden of children! But they seem very structured, from what I hear of the ones people talk about around here, and I can't see her being comfortable in an externally structured environment any more than I or her aunts or her grandmother and great-aunts or, for that matter, her great-great-grandmother were. But I will be investigating; I might arrange a meeting with the head of my favourite local school soon to see what their preschool nursery kindergarten class is like. Maybe.

Kinder Surprise eggs are one of the things I'd start buying again if Nestle stopped being so bloody deviously evil. Well, maybe. I can't eat the chocolate, since it's milk, so probably not. At present I can't support Nestle by giving them my money, anyway, so until they deserve my support the question is moot.

Knids are vermicious.

Kittens, kids and kids are my favourite baby animals. I love kid goats in particular; they're so sucky and butty and fluffy and gorgeous.

Knives are useful but I believe most firmly in sheathes. All our kitchen knives have magnetic plastic sheath things and I have often been glad of them. I also like our wooden butter-knives which can't cut anything no matter what; they make lunchtime with a toddler much simpler.

V

Voracious vermin value vindictive valediction versus veracity.

I

I am I - but what is Kim, Kim, Kim?

If I knew I'd write and tell Rudyard.

I am very into if. I like to have plans in place for all possible and many impossible contingencies. I make plans, and then have plans specifically for if the plans fail. This made an unforeseeable childbirth disaster particularly unpleasant.

Ideas used to be more important to me than they are now. Now I rely on behaviours an awful lot.

Ideals, on the other hand, are very important to me - and I don't know of any other way to shape my behaviours than to try to live up to my ideals. I met a woman once whoh claimed she always lived up to all her ideals. I didn't have the courage to ask what they were.

Important is a slippery thing. I tend to judge people very heavily based on what their behaviour shows they believe to be important - this is why it's a good idea to treat children as well as you treat adults around me, and why I won't believe you have huge environmental ideals if you don't at least recycle, etc.

Intimacy is peculiar, too. I seem particularly fond of the kind of intimacy that can only be achieved by talking until after 3 in the morning. I did this once with Iain, who is now dead. I'd say poor Iain, but I believe he's a lot less miserable now. Unfortunately, this kind of intimacy is often transitory, but I really enjoy it just the same.

I also enjoy the kind of intimacy that means I can look at someone and exchange whole lengthy conversations without actually speaking.

And I hate the use of "intimate" to mean "sex". I've had some very non-intimate sex. Some of my most intimate moments have taken place with no physical contact at all.