This is just to say

[ailbhe]

I have been reading the post about rape and consent and stuff and all the comments, and thinking about the times in my own past when I failed to make consent clear by buying into the cultural structure which has seduction as a base and by ignoring my own involuntary "No" responses as "one of those involuntary things" rather than as "oh, look, part of me said no."

And then there were the times when I cajoled, seduced or persuaded, my own self.

I think I am going to work harder to make the "enthusiastic collaboration" model of consent the default. It will make a lot of people's sex lives simpler and a whole lot more fun.

Sometimes I think I could make a bigger difference if I were raising boys.

Comments

[kelvix.livejournal.com]

I agree that sexual abuse can be caused by women - was not Rosemary West such a woman?

Perhaps the legal definition of rape has changed - I have not kept up with the statutes on that - but it certainly used to be penetration by a man. ISTR that the definition was increased so as to include men being raped, as well as women, but perhaps other things have changed as well.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

"Rape" has been extended to include non-consensual penetration of the anus and mouth rather than just the vagina, but it still has to be by a penis. However, nonconsensual penetration by something other than a penis is now a separate offence known as "assault by penetration", which carries the same penalties, and this offence is often colloquially referred to as rape.

Comment may be triggery to read

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

"Rape" has been extended to include non-consensual penetration of the anus and mouth rather than just the vagina, but it still has to be by a penis.

I'm pretty sure the law in New Zealand allows for "rape" to be defined as penetration with a foreign object, in addition to the "usual" definition of penetration by a penis.

I do remember a Minister of Justice in the 1980s saying that he didn't believe penetration by a foreign object to be rape on the grounds that "a beer bottle can't get a woman pregnant".

He changed his mind after a chat with Rape Crisis and many _many_ survivors contacting him to tell him their (often horrifying) stories. I still remember the haunted look on his face during the press conference where he apologised for his misapprehension of the issue.