Anti-vaccination comments are explicitly not welcome and will be deleted

[ailbhe]

I had to take Emer for her preschool boosters today. It was horrific. She didn't want to do it. I carried her; she got down to walk a couple of times but each time tried to run away. She actually deliberately hit me, on purpose, not because she was flailing or didn't know what she was doing, but because I was going to hurt her and she needed to defend herself. I carried her to the surgery (only about 500 yards, if that) on my back, and had to drag her from the waiting room to the nurse's office; she was actually kicking and screaming. I couldn't get her jacket off so I had to tip her over my knee and pull down her tights to expose her thighs. I then had to hold her legs still for the injections, and I couldn't - one was ok but the second one in the other leg was too difficult and she ended up with an inch-long needle-scratch before the nurse got the needle in.

I haven't abused her like that since she was an infant and I had to force a mask-like thing over her face and have her inhale foreign substances, or since she was an infant and I had to force her to swallow antibiotics which she gagged up and I had to force her to reswallow them. The inhaler and the antibiotics were for the same illness. That was a fun time.

I am shattered by the experience. I cannot imagine the damage this has done to her trust in me and can only hope we can get over it somehow.

She knew I planned to hurt her, she tried to escape, and I tracked her down.

If I didn't believe we have a basic social duty to get the children vaccinated I don't think I could have done it.

Diphtheria, tetanus, polio (Rob's paternal grandmother had polio), whooping cough (I had whooping cough), Hib (pneumonia and meningitis - my mother's sister died of meningitis, my sister almost died of pneumonia from an infection she caught from her unvaccinate-able child), measles (I had measles), mumps, rubella (I had rubella).

I am going to eat mini-marshmallows until I feel better.

Comments

[rpdom]

I can barely remember my vaccinations, apart from being given a sugar lump for polio. I seem to recall a painful needle, but don't think I made a fuss at the time (I'd have to ask my mum to check).

I'm sure Emer will forgive you in a short time. Just remember to sooth her and make sure she knows that the only reason you did it is because you love her and it will stop her getting *really sick* later.

[onyxlynx]

1. I am in favor of immunizations, and would probably have done the same as you did, if I had a child.
2. I was invariably told "This won't hurt." This was a lie. (Are they still giving shots in the buttocks to young children?)
3. They give those all at once? Even when we were being rotated to Europe, the series of shots (most of what you mention, a couple other things, and the smallpox vaccination) was spaced out over several weeks.

Emer will need a lot of extra attention to make sure she's not traumatized, and you need, well, mini-marshmallows will do for a start.

[ailbhe]

Dip, tetanus, pertussis, polio & hib are one jab, and MMR is the other. These are boosters. I can't remember the infant schedule.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

That sounds horribly hard. You are a good mum and should eat all the marshmallows.

I think she would be way more likely to mistrust you (and medical people) if you had not told her the truth about it ahead of time, though.

[ailbhe]

Oh gods yes, there's no way I'd spring that on a child. Though it would be easier for me that way, I think...

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

oh, hon.

the relationship will repair, i expect.

thank you for vaccinating her.

[prophetsong.livejournal.com]

That's so hard. All I can do is send empathy and a shared belief that you did the right thing. She will see that when she's older. You get all the marshmallows xx

[clare-s.livejournal.com]

It's hard being a Mum and especially when you have to do things which make you appear horrid even if you know it's for the best.

Hope the marshmallows are kicking in and you are feeling better.

[liminereid.livejournal.com]

That sounds so very hard. I'm sure she will forgive you in the long run. And you have done the best thing for her health, difficult as it was for both of you.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*. I had to hold C down just once, for his flu vaccination when he was 4, and he didn't start freaking out till he was in the room - and that was bad enough. In his case, giving him lots of hugs, agreeing that it was horrible, and reminding him that it had hurt more than it would have done because he'd been struggling, helped - he didn't fuss the next time, although of course I was very nervous!

[ailbhe]

She went in for the flu one almost a year ago perfectly fine, didn't struggle at all - she'd seen me get jabs and thought it would be fine. But she remembered it this time.

She's not due more for about 10 years, thankfully.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Argh. Much sympathy. (I've been grateful for years to have you blazing the path for me, so that I'm a little bit more prepared for the possibilities that come with an older child.)

I hope carrying her wasn't too devastating on your body - you've already said how hard it was on your psyche.

Wishing you a soothing cup of tea, and a Responsible Mother medal.

[ailbhe]

You'll see above someone who found that *not* warning her child was the best course for her child. Of course, with my two, if I said we were going to the doctor - or even just "out" - but not why, I'd very quickly have to lie outright or reveal all.

[treadpath.livejournal.com]

That sounds awful and I hope you and Emer are feeling better soon. You are absolutely a good mom!!! You were honest to her about it hurting and empathetic about her pain. Some kids (like me) get really freaked out by shots. (I remember having to be held down by entire teams of nurses while getting shots as a kid.)

Hope the marshmallows kick in soon.

[batswing.livejournal.com]

That sounds absolutely horrendous.

She will, however, forgive you and her trust in you will be ok long term. I still trust my stepdad after he took me for verrucca burning off, I still trusted my mum after she took me to have plaster casts made for my feet that left me with bits stuck painfully to my feet, toenails, just everywhere, and then nasty plastic painful things in my shoes.
It must have felt abusive but I can't believe it was because it was done through love and because it's good for her and her potential children, her friends and everyone who'll ever mater to her. But it must feel terrible. Hope the marshmallows help.

[taimatsu]

:( I'm really sorry it was so hard for you both. I hope you recover well.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

You didn't breach her trust. You had explained it would happen, and it had to happen.

You forced her into something she didn't want - and yes, that's negative. But it should heal. There is a point where adults do have the power, and control, and that's appropriate. But it is hard to deal with.

*hugs*

[ailbhe]

I didn't *deceive* her, but I do think I breached her trust in me; she trusts me not to hurt her, and to respect her bodily autonomy. In general. Not today.

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

Many hugs for you both
You did the right thing, thank you

[merryhouse.livejournal.com]

hugs

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's an awful awful set of jabs. I took Alex for hers at the same time Colin had his four-month shots, and hers were SO MUCH WORSE even though it was mainly the same things.

My sympathies. What a heartbreaking experience.

[ailbhe]

Linnea's were painful, but she didn't defend herself. I can hardly believe I didn't let Emer defend herself. Absolutely everything I can say to make it sound ok to myself is also what an abuser would say to make the abuse ok.

The screams and pleading could be heard in the waiting room. The nurse was shaken by it too - she came out afterwards (we had to sit for a while to calm down) to check we were ok.

I'm sure we'll all recover - Rob reckons Emer's ok now - but yeah, heartbreaking.

Dammit, though, people die of all those things, really quite often. She may never trust me again but she won't die of measles.

[quentinwrites.livejournal.com]

Oh you poor thing, so much sympathy to you. I remember Orion's last set of shots were horrible. I told him in advance what was going to happen but he had forgotten his previous injections and had no idea what I was talking about. The LOOK on his face as he looked up at me tearfully as the needle went in... utter betrayal. I'll never forget it. :o( Luckily he's not due any more until he's 14 or 15.

[rosefox]

Ugh, vaccines can be so brutal. I once attempted to bargain with my mother: she would get my shots and I would get her throat swabs (I had strep a lot as a kid, so I got used to those). No dice, unfortunately.

She will forgive you.

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

Ack, massive amounts of sympathy. That sounds horrendous.

I was so relieved after the preschool ones when I realised that was it for 10 years!

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

that sounds really hard on both of you :( for what it's worth, i used to be horribly needlephobic as a kid, but i never blamed my parents for it.

[redshira.livejournal.com]

That sounds like the stuff of nightmares; doing the right thing is so often horrifically painful. Poor Emer, and poor you. :(

[mrs-redboots.livejournal.com]

Huge sympathy to both of you! One of the worst things a mother has to do - the other is to take your child to the dentist, and I know you know all about that!

Do you live in an area where the very tinies are routinely given a BCG vaccination? My daughter does, and James has already had his, at a month old - she said that was awful, inflicting that on him (like me, she has vivid memories of her own!), but he has been fine.

[ailbhe]

No, though I have always breastfed babies through the jabs and it seems to help a lot. I got my own BCG far too young to have any memory of it, and would kind of like to have my children get it, because we would like to visit friends in London...

[barakta]

I am so sorry Emer had such a terrible time and you had to to what you did. For what tiny bit it's worth I think you did the only thing you could do.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I have never wanted to hug you more than in this moment; I'm crying now in sympathy. That just sounds like it hurt so much for both of you.

I think vaccinations are one of the best developments of the last thousand years, but damn, that sounds so impossibly awful for both of you.

*hugs you*
*hugs Emer, if she wants*

[baratron.livejournal.com]

All I can say is that it's the sort of experience which is harrowing right now, but will be forgotten over time. And then some day she'll come to you as an older teen or an adult, and thank you for getting her vaccinated nonetheless.

*BIG HUGS*